Stress The Positive

Looking forward and looking back

2011-12-21T03:27:00.000-08:00

When I started writing this blog I promised to be honest about was happening in my life and how I cope with the difficult times. I wanted people to know that being happy and feeling positive is something that can be achieved even when life isn't great.

I know too that focusing on the positive side doesn't mean that everything in life is wonderful, this blog has been a way for me to explore how my emotions and thoughts impact on me and my family. I hope that by sharing my experiences that it gives you some hope and maybe some tips on how to feel happier.

INSPIRED BY OTHERS
December is an emotional time for me (and for a lot of other people) Calum's birthday is the 8th December, he would have been 17 this year, (he died just a few weeks shy of his 13th birthday). This year his friends in 6th year at Bishopbriggs Academy chose the Meningitis Trust as the school charity of the year in remembrance of Calum. They decided to hold a Memorial Service to remember him and celebrate their memories of him, they wanted the people in school to know this was not just any charity their fundraising efforts were for their friend. The video that they made to show at the service is so wonderful, it made me smile and laugh through my tears. I loved the smiles and light in their eyes as they remembered Calum. So many young people are held up to be neds with no care or interest in others, watch this and see the positive encouraging side to these young folks.Remembering Calum by S6 Bishopbriggs Academy

The school then had a week of fundraising activities culminating in a sponsored sleepover for S6 in the school last week. Calum would have just loved being a part of it and I am so pleased that they had great fun raising money for a very supportive charity.

Kirsten, my gorgeous daughter, is now 12 and in first year at this school. She has been involved in the fundraising activities with Calum's friends that she also grew up with. She has loved this but it has also been an emotional journey for her too.

HAPPINESS AND TEARS

So add all this with Christmas, my mum back in hospital again for another op, some worries over work and money and it is not difficult to see how my emotions have been a bit raw. I have felt really weepy at times, a bit frazzled and low. Is this allowed for someone who runs Happiness Clubs and wants to inspire Scotland to be happier?

Of course it is! - Not one of us is immune to low times, me included. If I cry I release that emotion, I feel better for it, trying to hold them back just creates more pressure. So what next? I am blessed to have some very good friends and they are so kind and helpful in different ways, acknowledging how I feel with them sharing tears and then laughter really helps.

So today I feel like I am turning the corner again, I have some inspiration back maybe not quite all my energy yet. Last night I went out with Kirsten to see the School Band perform in Glasgow and caught up with a few friends for a chat. It was good to laugh with them.

It's times like this that I have to dig into my own Bag of Happiness to find the things that help me. Essential oils - bergamot and peppermint, uplifting music, remembering that I have achieved so much, immersing myself in some really good memories, looking forward to spending time at Christmas with my family and Boxing day with my very best friend and her lovely family. Focussing on gratitiude creates a feeling of wealth and abundance, I have so much to be grateful for - mostly friends and family.

Life will continue to throw challenges but I know that I can cope, I know that I have learned a lot so far that has helped me and that I will continue to learn. I also know that sometimes I will forget what I have learned! We all need to be reminded now and then.

Looking forward to next year

I think that so many people are living in fear and worry. I understand it so we are bombarded by the news of how terrible our economy is, how few jobs there are, how dangerous the world is. My response is to increase the number of Happiness Clubs and get others involved to create more happiness and positive energy. I know that life can be shit - I know that we can't just go into a wee Happiness bubble and it will all go away.
BUT I know that when I can lift my mood, feel happier and more positive then it gives me fuel to energise me. I can look at the same problems through different eyes and see a solution I didn't before, I can start to believe that things will get better and find ways to help myself and others so that it is better.

I have developed a new personal development program Happiness in Action that will give you the tools to create more positive thoughts and happiness for youself. As soon as I have charged my batteries fully then you will hear more about the exciting new options for this program.

As Christmas approaches I send my love to everyone who is missing someone, to those who have worries and concerns, to those whose health could be better, to those that strive for a new job, to anyone without a home. I also send my love to those who are doing well and feeling good, may you share your good feelings with those that need it.

So December may be emotional - highs and lows just like life really. I learn and grow in the low times then create and reap the benefits in the high times. You can too.

Merry Christmas
Kim xxxx

Death and Happiness

2011-11-28T03:06:00.001-08:00

Today I amsaddened by the death of Gary Speed at the young age of 42. I did not know him personallybut like so many others have watched and listened to the stories from those whodid. I have heard so many people say whata happy person he was so how could a happy person with all the success he hadfeel so low that they end their own lives?

So many ofus put on a face to the world around us, when asked how we are we may say "fine"or "no bad". We may not want to admit to others that we feel so terrible that notliving seems like the only option. Talkingabout how we really feel to a trusted friend can be a life saver, when we say thewords that rattle around inside our heads we can challenge them. If we have no one to help us challenge thenegative thoughts of hopelessness then they will grow stronger as we focus onthem.

I rememberone very bleak night not long after Calum died, sitting crying as I couldn’tsleep. I just wanted this terrible painto end, I wanted the hurt and hopeless feelings to go away. I thought that if my husband and daughterdied with me then we would all be together again with Calum. That would take away the hurt and pain for usall and it would be ok. I had an outletfor my thoughts though – I wrote to Calum in a journal. Even as I wrote the words I realised that itwas not death that I wanted but a happier life back. At that time I didn’t really know how I couldhave happiness but it got me through that night.

I have lotsof friends and family who supported me through this terrible time, theylistened to me, were kind to me in so many ways and through the pain and sorrowsome light began to appear. (You can read a little more of this in DavidHamilton’s book Why Kindness is Good For You). What I held on to was that Iwanted to be happy, it was right to be happy and so I developed a mindset toallow happiness into my life.

My story isnot a miraculous overnight recovery, it took time to grieve for the loss ofCalum and heal the pain. It’s 4 years onand I am happy, I still have times when I feel sad or low and I acknowledgethem because living a happy life means living a real life with all its ups anddowns. I still write to Calum, I findthat it helps me to get the thoughts out of my head and help to shift myperspective. I also write when I am happy and inspired so I share the positivethoughts too.

If you findyourself at a real low talk to a friend, GP, Support line like Samaritans orBreathing Space or try writing. Ask yourself what is it that I really want – toend the pain and misery may be your first answer but what do you want instead? Isit to be happy? Make that your focus and it will shift your perspective on lifea little. A little glimmer of light on a dark night can be all that it takes tostart your journey.

You can read some of the practical ways that Ihandle the lows and create more happiness in my life in previous blogs. I support individuals, teach Creating aHappier life courses and run Happiness Clubs, where we can all learn new skillsand share in a common aim – to be happier. Please feel free to contact me if you want to know more.

Coping with change and creating happiness

2011-09-27T06:20:00.000-07:00

Hi there,
It's been a long time ... sorry! I don't know where the time has gone. A lot has been happening in my life over the past few months, mostly good I will say.

THE BIG SCHOOL
Kirsten has now started secondary school, that is a biggie for me. She is now 12, having caught up with her big brother, and has taken that next step up the educational ladder. Kirsten is really enjoying school which is partly due to the excellent teachers and facilities at her school and partly due to her own attitude. She has had some wobbles too, a few tears and fears. I did expect this as any major change can throw up some anxiety. We deal with this by talking about how she feels and reminding her of her strengths. She has been encouraged her to join the school clubs and share her interests with others so she can make new friends. She is missing Calum a lot, she is enjoying seeing his 6th year friends at school but it is also a reminder that he isn't there. So we talk about Calum and what we think he might have been like, share our stories of him and keep him close to our hearts.

SHARING NEWS WITH THE WORLD
I have spoken about Calum to the Press in the past, to raise awareness of meningitis and about the fundraising we have done for the Meningits Trust. A couple of months ago I started to think about sharing my journey through grief with the Press. I wanted to give people some hope that you can survive your worst nightmare and still be happy. It's what this blog has been about. I wanted to let people know about the Happiness Club, the courses and this blog, to help people find ways to handle the crap that life can sometimes dish out. I met a wonderful journalist called Maria Croce who wrote a great article that was published in the Daily Record. You can read it here http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/real-life/2011/08/25/bereaved-mum-tells-how-she-copes-by-writing-to-her-dead-son-86908-23369875/
The article generated a lot of interest from other journalists, magazines and individuals looking for some help. Bella magazine are featuring my story very soon and the local Bishopbriggs Herald told the story again today.

HAPPINESS CLUBS, STAR WARS AND WORLD DOMINATION!

This had led me to really focus on how I can help others. The Happiness Club meetings have been going well, I am looking for other venues to expand them. I have developed Creating a Happier Life course for those who want to have a more concentrated boost of happiness. I have been developing ideas at such a rate that Sinclair is laughing at my plans for world domination! We now joke about how the Death Star is coming along and the question "What would Vader do?" is asked often. (Star Wars was Calum's favourite film).

HARRY POTTER AND BEATING THE DEMENTORS
Being inspired is a great feeling, it is at the completely opposite end of the spectrum from grief and depression. I remember the terrible black, soul less days after Calum's death when I had no hope or inclination to do anything. It made me think this is what JK Rowling must have been describing when the Dementors attacked people in Harry Potter (another of Calum's favourites). That feeling that you'll never be happy again and that all the light and love has been sucked out of the world. I know that is it possible to beat the Dementors and create your own Patronus (the charm that is created by focussing on the happiest memory and emotions). This is one of the techniques that I teach on my courses and at Happiness Club.
If anyone reading this is having a black day then remember the happiest, most wonderful memory that you have. Re-live it in your mind, surround yourself with it like a blanket and you will find it can let a little light into your day. Your situation may not have changed but your ability to cope with it will.

We all deserve a happy life, life is for enjoying and sharing now. If you need some help to feel happy then check out my website www.stressthepositive.co.uk

My life is happy, there are challenges and struggles, tears and worries being happy helps me cope with these times. I'd love to hear how you cope with difficult days.
Wishing you all good health and happiness,
Kim
x

Summer time and the living is easy...

2011-07-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

Hello there - how is life treating you?
SO much for my once a week blog - you see I just get caught up in things, the time just flies by. How can it be quarter past July already?

Volunteers make a difference

School is finished and the summer holidays are well underway. Kirsten's leavers service was lovely, the Parents Association presented all the P7s with their new school tie, they sang their leavers song and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. The PA then organise a leavers disco for them all at night. The volunteers put such a lot of effort into making it a memorable event , it was lovely to see the kids in their finery and Kirsten all grown up in her little black dress. The volunteers feel good too - helping others really helps to take your mind off your own worries.

Summer fun

We had the first week of holidays at our caravan in St Andrews. It was great fun - first we had a friend of Kirsten's with us for a couple of days then my 3 lovely nieces joined us for the rest of the week. Thankfully we had great weather so lots of picnics, bbqs, sandcastles, in the water with clothes on, playing on the beach, trips to the park, picking strawberries and a lovely campfire evening with our wonderful friends the Berrys to finish it off.
I can honestly say this was a really happy holiday - probably the best one since Calum died. It was more like our old days, lots of laughs and full of fun. We did all miss him too though, there is still the feeling that he should be here leading the charge for the sea. Kirsten loved the company but it also highlighted her brother was missing. She had a few tears and was reluctant to have the campfire night as she wanted Calum to come home to be there. I know that sometimes when emotions are difficult that it seems easier to not do anything that will make it worse. I could have said ok - no campfire night but it wouldn't have changed the fact that Calum still wasn't with us. So I encouraged her with the Berrys would be there too (she loves them so much), so we had bbq, beans, strawberries dipped in melted choc and toasted marshmallows. We all wrote a wish on a sparkly bit of paper and put it into the fire to set it free. It was emotional we all shed a tear but it was a lovely, magical night. One that we will all remember for a very long time, and I am sure that Calum did join us he would never have missed a night like that! It is these moments that count - the good memories are worth their weight in gold, they are the fire for the soul in times of darkness.

Facing fears

A few weeks ago I walked over hot coals and it wasn't the campfire. I did a firewalk with some friends and family to raise funds for Calum's tribute fund at the Meningitis Trust. It was a wonderful experience, Liesha Ross, the organiser has a lovely gentle way of getting you to face your fears and believe that anything is possible. I met Liesha when I trained in NLP and turned to her to help me to handle my grief a few months after Calum's death. I know that we all need the help of others at times and the time was now right for me to walk over the coals and take me on the next stage of my journey. I have found new strength to focus on sales/marketing for my business. If I can walk over hot coals then picking up the phone to talk to someone about training courses is nothing.

What is holding you back? Is it a fear or a belief that something bad will happen? Try challenging your thinking - even a real hot fire can be walked on with no burns or blisters. You might not get the chance to firewalk, so shift your perspective take a deep breath and go for it. Watch the video here.

The Good Girl is out now.
SInclair's 2nd novel is now available on Kindle and in paperback, he has started on book 3. What we need now is lots of sales and some recommendations. A great summer read for any crime fiction fans - please check it out.

Be a kid.
The summer holidays can be long, filling the days with things to do that don't cost the earth requires a little thought and planning. Think it's time to haul out the games, the candle making stuff, the sewing machine, the quilting books, the baking bowl, the books to read, films to watch and my new elastic jumping ropes that I bought last week! Then there are my legendary picnics! Well I'm going to have fun even if no one else does.

Why not try being a kid again - look at life from their point of view even for just a short time can make such a difference to your mood. Go for a walk and look at how wonderful the world is - use your imagination - a stick can be so many things (Calum had a favourite one). The cleaning can wait, the washing can pile up - the bills will still be there but for a few minutes you can just be young and carefree.

So I have had quite a few memories to add to my bag of happiness in the last month. I look forward to adding a few more over the summer, I hope that you will too.

My happiness levels are at 10. Happy summer folks.
Kim
x

Do you have a choice?

2011-06-09T02:38:00.000-07:00

Hi folks - how are you all out there in the land of tinternet? I am feeling positive and upbeat there have been some good things happen in my circle recently. My theme for this post is whether we can do anything about things that happen in our lives. Can we be in control? If so what are we in control of?

MUM'S UPDATE
If you read the last blog then you would know about my mum's breast cancer and how well her outcome has been. She is continuing to heal and has managed out to visit her friends at the local cafe where she works one day a week. Having social contact is so important in helping us to feel good. Sharing a laugh and a cup of coffee really boosts your immune system as well as your spirits. For us it's just great to see her getting better.

KIRSTEN GOES TO THE "BIG" SCHOOL
My daughter, Kirsten will be 12 next month and is in the last month of primary school. Yesterday was her first of 3 days induction at her new secondary school. This meant getting up earlier and getting a bus to school instead of leaving our house almost as she hears the school bell. Two of her friends came to join her to get the bus and off they went. I watched the three of them walk to the bus stop with a tear in my eye. I am pleased to see her grow up and head to the next phase of her life but it also comes with some sadness. New beginnings also have endings and we have had a wonderful relationship with the staff at her primary school. I am sure that Kirsten would not have coped so well at school after her brother's death without the care and nurturing provided by the head teacher and all the staff.
I also had a tear because Calum was not there to support and encourage her. I know that he would have loved showing off his little sister and introducing her to the ways of the big school. He was Kirsten's best friend as well as her brother. I watched her get on the bus and talked to Calum about his time starting high school and how nervous he had been. I remembered the panic and tears that quickly turned into smiles and laughs as he found his feet and made lots of new friends. I asked him to keep an eye on her and encourage her try new things.
I wiped away the tears and smiled as I felt close to my son, I talk to him a lot. He may not be with me in person but he is connected in spirit.
Kirsten enjoyed her first day and left this morning to go for the bus as if she had done it for years. She has opted to try the school cafe "might as well have a go just now" she said. So maybe Calum has managed to encourage her a little.
Her school leavers service is in a couple of weeks - the kids have been practising their leavers song. Think that I had better stock up on tissues now as I expect I won't be the only one with tears that day.

NEW BOOK ON THE WAY
Sinclair has finished writing his 2nd novel in the Reluctant Detective series, it's called "The Good Girl" and is set in and around St Andrews in Fife. He is working to finalise all versions for publishing :- paperback and ebooks so it should be available soon. He has been doing a tour of North Glasgow Libraries talking about his first book and his writing experiences as part of their Author tours. This has been an interesting experience with some nights busier than others. It is so good to see Sinclair living his dream of being a writer, of course there are challenges, marketing and selling to name two!
Four years ago when he was working as an IT manager for Network Rail he was so stressed. He hated the changes that were imposed that he didn't think improved services, he made his arguments against about how people were being treated because he cared about "the Railway" and his "Railway family". In the end he couldn't change what was going on, so he had to make a choice. He chose to leave and become self employed creating websites and doing IT support work for small businesses.
The change in Sinclair was instant he smiled and laughted again. Sadly just a few months later our son Calum died from meningitis. I am very grateful that those last few months of Calum's life were a really happy family time. We shared more time together, laughed, played and enjoyed life. Calum's death has also been a catalyst in Sinclair's life - he chose to finish one of his writing projects (having started many over the years). Two books done, number three is already started and he is out talking to audiences about his book. If you had asked Sinclair four years ago if he could be a published author his answer would probably have been no. I wonder how many of you have dreams that you don't think you will achieve?

IF YOU HIT A ROAD BLOCK
Life is a journey, sometimes we hit road blocks, diversions or are even moved to a different mode of transport. It's what you do when faced with these challenges that count. Many people ask me how I have coped with Calum's death. It is an ongoing journey but I know that I have a choice about what I think and do. I could have stayed in the bleak black place that I existed in after his death, I could have raged against the injustice of it all, asking why the world was robbed of a good kind person when so many "bad" people live. I could have shut myself away continuing to feel sorry for myself. All of these were choices, I doubt that anyone would have condemned me if I had chosen them. But I also knew I had a choice to find happiness again, to bring some colour into my life and share my life with others.

So for anyone else who may find themselves in a difficult place whatever the cirumstances I urge you to see that you have a choice. You can change things. It might not be an easy option, some find change scary. Sinclair chose to leave his well paid but soul destroying job, I chose to find happiness again. The how to get to where we are now came next. Even if you cannot change the cirumstances you can choose to take another point of view. If you think differently then things change.

So what can you choose to think differently about today?

If you live in Glasgow (Scotland) area and would like to explore more ways of being happy then give my Happiness Club a try.

Wishing you all a happy week.
Kim
x

Illness, healing and positive thoughts

2011-05-31T13:25:00.000-07:00

First I owe all my readers an apology for the delay in updating my blog, I hope you have all been well and happy.

It's been a trying time in my family, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last month. For those of you who have been reading my posts you will know that my son died from meningitis over 3 years ago and that has been quite a hill to climb. To hear that my mum had a life threatening illness was quite a shock and a worry for us all. My mum is a beautiful caring person who has been such a support for us, particularly Kirsten my daughter, and the thought that we might lose her was scary.

Everyone (including mum) was most concerned about Kirsten and how she would react, she has had to cope with a lot in her 11 years. I thought hard about how to tell her without scaring her, I didn't want to mention cancer but as I talked about a lump in the breast she immediately made that leap for herself. She was upset and scared that her gran would die, that I would get it and even that she herself might get breast cancer. I have learned that honesty is the best approach, so I got as much information as I could and explained what was to happen to her gran. Explaining that it was really important that we kept positive for her and that we could only deal with what we knew.

I expect most of us will explore the worst possible outcome in our minds when we are faced with some bad news. I also know that the worst outcome can come true but it doesn't mean that it always will. Mum was lucky - her cancer was found early, almost by chance as the lump she went to the doc about was a cyst. The GP sent her to the consultant, who suggested a mammogram just incase. That action meant that the tumours in both breasts were spotted, surgery and reconstruction were done together and the outcome is looking very good. What I am so proud of is how my mum has handled the situation.

The mind can heal the body

I am a great believer in the power of the mind and had encouraged my mum to use some visualisation exercises to help free her body from cancer. She took this on board and created 2 versions of the cancer cells leaving her body both of which were funny. She has continued to use some visualisations to help her body to heal following her surgery and has a virtual team helping to dig drains, clear fluid, knit her wounds together and keep everything spotless. In fact she imagines that my son Calum is helping to organise all these folks to make sure they do their job. (Her wounds seem to be healing quickly).
This has helped us to laugh about her illness, mum has been smiling as she imagined these sessions and has shared this and laughed about it with others. She is now continuing the theme by imaginging doing her exercises to strengthen her muscles. For anyone interested in knowing more about these tecniques I would recommend David Hamilton's book How the mind can heal the body.

Laugher is the best medicine

I know that this has approach is having a positive effect on us all. Laughter is such a healer, and mum has said that feeling positive and having a laugh has really helped her to cope. The pain never seems so bad when her thoughts are good and her mood up beat. The trick I suppose for us all is to be able to create those moments of laughter and good feelings when we feel ill or have bad days.
I have a wee stock of good thoughts and happy memories that can switch how I feel for even an instant. I know I can choose to feel good if I use these. Even 15 seconds of feeling good is enough to give your positive vibes a boost. Try this for yourself, you'll soon find that you can switch on the positive thoughts and feelings for longer.

Being positive doesn't mean ignoring those other emotions though. It is healthy to cry, it's our release valve. If you are ill or supporting others all sorts of emotions can surface, find a way to acknowledge them and let them go. I find writing about the situation helps, talking it over with a friend or even using EFT (emotional freedom technique) helps me too.

So we have had an emotional journey in our family again, life is like that. It remind us about being in control of what we can, that is our thoughts and our emotions. Feeling good may not change the situation but it will help us to cope with it. I also believe that you can pass on that positive energy and help others too. Science seems to agree now with studies showing we can catch other people's energy too.

Thank you Mum

Thank you mum for trying something new, for encouraging and supporting me in my life. Thank you for spreading laughter, love and joy, for the times you kissed my scrapped knees and made them better, for joining in our games, for dancing to Fame and showing us how to have fun. You have helped to heal my pain from losing Calum and by agreeing to share your story I hope you have helped others to find a way through theirs.

I hope that you will be encouraged by our experiences and pass on a bit of good cheer to someone else. If you are in the Glasgow area (Scotland) then you could come and join the Glasgow Happiness Club, where we explore more ways to handle to the low times, create good thoughts and feel happy.

If you have anything to share or a question to ask please comment, I'd love to hear from you.

Wishing you all health, love and happiness.
Kim
x

Happiness and holidays

2011-04-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

Hello my happy friends.
The school holidays are over for a few days as there are only 7 teaching days this month! Hurrah I hear the children (and teachers) cry. We spent the first week of the holidays at our caravan in St Andrews. It was a relaxing break, more so than I had planned as Kirsten was sick. She started throwing up on Mothers Day just after bringing me breakfast in bed. Poor girl was really unwell and had to miss the trip to Mama Mia that was arranged for my mum, sister, Kirsten and I. She then had headaches, a temperature, sore throat and generally feeling rubbish with no energy for rest of the week.
No one likes seeing their child ill but if you have already lost a child to an illness that seemed to nothing more that a flu virus but turned out to be deadly meningitis, then it can be an anxious time. For more info on signs and symptoms of meningitis please check out the Meningitis Trust
I make a conscious effort to keep things in perspective, I am vigilant but not paranoid. I don't want Kirsten to have a trip to the doctor every time she sneezes, I can't wrap her in cotton wool. 2 weeks on and she's still not 100% so it's time to see the doctor now.

Mothers Day

It's a lovely way to thank your mum for all she does for you isn't it? It can be a hard day for so many though, my mother in law was knocked down and killed before Calum was a year old so it's hard for my husband not having his mum here. I have a couple of very close friends who have also lost their mothers, 1 a few years ago and 1 only months. When grief is raw then these special holidays are difficult times. I remember the first mother's`day after Calum died I just went to bed and cried exhausted by the grief and angry that he wasn't there to share the day. Time has made a difference, I made a decision last year to put up a card that Calum made for me alongside the one Kirsten made me. I did the same this year - Kirsten's card changes but Calum's stays the same. I am now able to take a different perspective on Mothers day - it is about celebration. I can give thanks for the time my mother in law was here, having my mum around and also being a mum to my two wonderful children. I choose to look at the positives and remember the good times.

So for all those who may be facing birthdays, anniversaries, special reminders of the people who are no longer with us, I say have hope. I found that the run up to these days were often worse than the actual days themselves. The anticipation of how bad I would feel made me feel bad for longer. As the first and second round of anniversaries passed I was able relax a bit more and spend more time remembering the happy times we shared on those days. I still miss my mother in law and Calum and always will, I know that they would approve of my point of view.

Happiness Club

Last week saw my first Happiness Club event in Glasgow. There were 7 lovely people there, who created their own "Bags of Happiness". We explored what makes us happy and how to use the resources that we all have to cope with the down times. It was a very positive evening and I had great feedback so it will now become a regular monthly club. Each month we will explore an idea (or 2) connected to happiness and try out some practical exercises. It's important to me that these sessions give people tools to use to improve their happiness. It's also a great way to spend an evening, share experiences, laugh and enjoy life so please spread the word. I would love to see the Club grow and expand into other places. If you'd like more info then please post me a message or email me at kim@stressthepositive.co.uk.

And finally for tonight - here is a challenge to you all. Do something nice for someone, be kind to them just because you can. If you know someone is facing a difficult anniversary then acknowledge it. Encourage them talk to you about their loved one, share the happy memories and let them cry if they want to. The person may be gone from sight but not from the heart. Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family who let me share my happy memories.

With love, laughter and kindness
Kim
x

DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY

2011-03-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

So I'm late again - sorry Mrs B thanks for the reminder. At least I know that someone reads this!

WORRY AND STRIFE

The past couple of weeks have passed in a blur, lots of work and lists of things to do that seem to grow rather than shrink. I also had a few sleepless nights worrying about something. We all worry now and then, some people seem to live their lives in a constant state of worry. Over the last week I became aware of how high my shoulders were - right up to my ears! This is not a good look as it goes hand in hand with the frown lines and crabbit face. It's a real indicator of when things are getting too much. I'm sure you'll all know that feeling. So what do I do when I feel like this?

first I ask myself whether the things I am worried about are within my control
if they are, then I write a list of what I could do (I like lists- once it's on paper it never seems as much)
I then prioritise the list - what can I do that will make things a bit easier (doing the hardest thing first is such a relief but not always what I want to do! I remind myself that the sense of relief and achievement is better than procrastination. I'm not perfect though so sometimes I'll just do what gives me a quick boost. A cup of tea usually works.)
that leaves the things that I was worried about that I can't do anything about. These thoughts are the ones that can cause us real anxiety at times. Talking these issues over with a trusted friend is worth it's weight in gold. I'm very lucky to have wonderful friends to share stuff with. Once the things that concerned me are discussed I feel better, I know that I can't do anything more.

I like to take a bit of time to then focus on some good memories to lift my mood, shifting my thoughts from the negative ones to positive ones make room for more solutions.
I use lavender oil or pepermint oil to clear my mind, a few drops on my clothes work well.

My daughter, Kirsten is a bit of a worrier, she gets upset about the world, how terrible things happen, what destruction humans do and whether the planet will survive. She worries about school, her friends, burgulars, homework, growing up and whether anyone in the family will get ill. I know that a lot of other children feel the same, they are bomarded with so much information to keep them safe it's no wonder that the world can feel scary. She can struggle to sleep at times. She can be snappy and weepy when it gets too much. Her feelings are no different from mine really.
As her mother, I want Kirsten to be happy I know that she has been through a lot in her 11 years and losing Calum, her big brother and best friend really shook her up. I also know that although I can help her, listen to her, support and guide her - she is responsible for her own happiness. My job as her mother is to get her ready to cope with the world on her own so I get her to use the same tactics that I do. Can she do anything about it? Is it her responsibility? What can she do? Talk over the fears so that she can rationalise them. Then I encourage to her to think of a happy memory or something from her bag of happiness. Kirsten loves crystals so I'll get her to choose a few to hold. This helps to shift the focus to a more positive stance. The worries never seem so bad then.

HAPPINESS WORKSHOPS

I had the pleasure of delivering 2 Happiness Workshops for SHARE, at their annual conference for the housing sector. It was a fabulous day, my workshops "sold out" first which was a great boost of confidence that this is an important issue for people. All the participants made their own Bag of Happiness as I explained some real life easy ways to handle to difficult stuff we all face. I had a lovely audience and had great feedback from people. I hope that they will continue to add to their bag of happiness.

If you would like to come along and learn how to use these ideas for yourself then take a look at my Happiness Club .

PASS ON THE POSITIVE

We all need positive feedback, we all have doubts and crisis of confidence so it was great to have validation of my ideas. Have you told anyone how well they are doing recently? Has someone impressed you, have you had good service from a company or someone just been nice and smiled? Give them some feedback, you'll make their day.

It's Mothers Day this Sunday, we can all thank our mums for their support (even if they are no longer with us). Who else do you know is a good mother? Perhaps they need some positive feedback - it can be a hard job and some recognition of their efforts could really help. Go on pass on some positive words and see someone smile.

My happiness meter has wavered over the last few weeks from 5.5 to 8.5 out of 10. What about you?

Gratitude and Inspiration

2011-03-08T14:19:00.000-08:00

Hi folks, I'm sorry that this post took a bit longer than a week.

It's been a busy time in our house recently. I seem to be rushing around, never stopping to catch breath. My husband has been busy writing his new book, and my daughter has been working hard on her school project. It can be so easy to get caught up in being busy, striving to do more, squeeze a little more out of the day. I thrive in the energy of creating new things, but what do you do when you don't have that spark? How do you get yourself going and bring a bit of creativity in to your life?

I don't always have the motivation to get going. When I am stuck in a slump then I take a good look at what I have in my life to be grateful for now. I have a gratitude journal on my phone that I fill in, not every day, but fairly regularly. I was reminded recently about how lucky I am to have family and friends around me, to have people in my life that I can lean on. People that I can turn to for advice or reassurance, people to share my successes with. I know how important my friends and family are to me, how they have been there to support me through my son Calum's death and the grief that can surround me still. I can't imagine being where I am now without the help and support of these wonderful people.

I have come in to contact with some remarkable young people in the last few years and some of their stories are heartbreaking. Some have come to this country to flee terrible horrors and persecution that I can only imagine. They arrived young and alone after long difficult journeys and great sacrifices. Most have no family here, some don't know if they're families are alive or dead. But this is not a sob story - this is a story of inspiration. These very same young people have thrown themselves in to education, learnt our language, come to understand our customs. They are looking forward with a vision of how they would like their lives to be and they are taking steps towards creating it. Some are working,studying in university or thinking about creating their own business. They have taken the opportunities that are available to us all and are motivating themselves. They have done this without a family to support them. Most have built networks of friends and have taken opportunities for help from mentors. They have created their own "family".

Could you imagine yourself alone, in a different country unable to speak the language, not knowing if your family are alive. Now take a moment to think of all the people that you have in your life that you can turn to. Think of how rich your life is. Now if these young people can find a way to create a life for themselves we all can. These young folk that I have met are happy, they are grateful for what they have and for the opportunities offered.

I am inspired by their stories and grateful for the chance to have played a small part in their journeys. Perhaps you could reach out and help someone? Perhaps you have someone to thank?

I'll finish with my favourite quote that I saw written on the wall of an old bookshop in Paris. "Be kind to strangers they could be angels in disguise."

I'd love to hear your comments.

with love
Kim
x

MY HAPPINESS CHALLENGE - MEMORIES AND MINDFULNESS

2011-02-22T02:18:00.000-08:00

Well folks, it's been just over a week since my last blog. Thanks for the encouragement readers, I hope that you find this useful.
In the last week I have had ups and downs just like all of you. School holidays can create a challenge for keeping Kirsten busy, balancing work and child care. I try and take as much time off with Kirsten as I can. It is all too easy to put off doing things, life and work can take over but I know how precious those fun times together are. Kirsten had a friend to stay over, we made candles which was great fun, it didn't take long but was a real quality moment. I was looking around at the messy kitchen we were working in, did the girls notice -or care? No they were just having fun adding colour and scent to their melted wax. I had fun too, I made a candle in a lovely vintage china cup, it felt so good to look at what I had made. Simple pleasures, it reminded me of the times I made things when I was growing up and the fun times that we had with Calum when he was small guddling in water, making messy goo, baking and having fun in our untidy kitchen.
The girls also made some movies with Kirsten's video camera, laughing and capturing the memories. It struck a chord with how we record our memories inside our heads all the time. This is one of the things that I use regularly to help me feel happier.

MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS
Try accessing your mind videos -think of a time when you enjoyed a great day and had fun. Close your eyes and remember. Can you "see" the scenes and hear the sounds from that time, immerse yourself in it, make it vibrant, colourful and real, now notice how you feel. Your happy mind videos can lift your mood, your body will react as if it is happening now, so you can find yourself smiling, relaxing and even laughing as you relive the good times. I am a great one for reminiscing with my family and friends, laughing over the things we did in the past, retelling the stories over and over. It is always such a happy event when we do this, I love those times as much as I did the actual event.
Sharing your happy times with someone else helps to pass on some happiness and keep those stories going. Scots used to have a great tradition of story telling, passing on the previous generations' tales. I think it is a shame modern day reality TV seems to be more interesting to some people rather than sharing our own real lives. Sharing stories about people we have lost is a real tribute to their impact on your life and helps to keep their memory alive. I know some people who find it difficult to mention Calum, perhaps for fear of upsetting me. To not talk about our son and his part in our lives and our history is far more upsetting. Talking about the good times, the holidays, the daft things he did, the jokes we shared, the silly sayings we had helped me to find a tunnel of light out of the grief. Tears still come at times but as a wise friend tells me tears are healing too.

WHAT IF MEMORIES ARE PAINFUL?
I experienced some anxiety last week while travelling to meet my very best friend Ann. We were having a day away to ourselves, staying overnight in a hotel in a town where I used to work. I felt shaky and anxious on the train, at first I didn't realise what was going on. I was looking forward to meeting up with Ann so why did I feel bad? Thinking about it for a minute I realised that I had not been back to this place for a long time. I had left my job because of some stressful times and this journey back to that physical place had jolted my body back to that emotional state. This is what we call anchoring in NLP terms. You might have suddenly felt upset, anxious, scared or even sick when your mind makes a link to a past time. How do you handle this? I used some EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to release the negative emotion and found myself begin to relax. The jitters in my tummy and shaking eased. Then the train stopped at a station and I found myself thinking about an old work colleague who I knew lived here, before long I was immersed in the memories of that time so very long ago. He was a lively character and we had fun, I started to smile and suddenly I had reached my destination feeling upbeat and looking forward to tea and lots of laughs with Ann. We have both positive and negative anchors to people, places, things, music and more. I had used a positive anchor to clear the negative emotions without even trying, my thoughts and feelings changed quickly. Next time you find yourself in anxious state try some EFT and a positive thought.
I had a great time and we met up with some other ex colleagues for a good laugh, I am looking forward to my next visit.

MINDFULNESS (OR WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR MIND IS FULL TO BURSTING?)
I had some low points last week, feeling overwhelmed about the amount of things I still had to do, taking time out is great but when you are self employed no one else does the work. You would think that that this would mean I would be really motivated and busy when back to work, but no! I couldn't focus and that means that self doubt creeps in - could I really achieve all these plans I have, all the different workshops and business angles seemed too much. Where to start? I call this my headless chicken phase, so many things to do that I end up running round like a headless chicken and not starting anywhere. I have been here before so I know what works - take time out. What more time off! Sounds like madness, but just a few minutes to breathe, relax and calm my mind. Being mindful some call it or meditation, whatever you call it doesn't matter it works. Try out this link to give it a go http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12263892
Now my mind is calm I can write my list of things to do and prioritise it, I don't feel so overwhelmed now I can do a couple of things on the list easily. My positive thoughts begin to come back, I can do this. I even begin to feel excited about some of my ideas again. My thoughts and emotions can either work for me or against me. Recognising that allows me to do something about it. It's not about being upbeat, positive and happy all the time it is handling it and not being a victim of my own low points.

So all in it was a good week, the scales tipped more on the positive side. 7 out of 10 on my happiness scale.
If you have any questions or comments please post them. See you next week.

Take care, wishing you love, light and laughter
Kim
x

THE HAPPINESS CHALLENGE

2011-02-14T07:14:00.000-08:00

There has been a lot in the media recently about happiness and how to achieve it. I am a big fan of happiness, everyone I know wants to feel happy. How happy should you be though? There are a load of books, courses and information out there designed to help you to feel happier. If you decide to start on the happiness crusade then what is your measure of success - can you be happy 24/7? If you aren't are you a failure?

I have started this blog to explore my happiness, what impacts on how I feel and to share my experiences. Life is a rollercoaster, you have highs and lows - the trick is to live it, cope with the lows, find ways to make you feel better and then enjoy the good times. I am going to share what works for me and give you some tips to try. I'd also like to hear from you - if you have something that helps you feel happier then pass it on. I intend to be honest about my frustrations, upsets and low points and about how I get over them. I also want to share the highs, what has inspired me and lifted my spirits. This is true life not the glossy 24/7 Happiness promise.

I would like to point out that I am not a Guru, I have studied lots of interesting theories, read loads of books, attended various courses and even got qualifications from some of them. I have lived and experienced some really happy moments and also suffered terrible tragedy. What I know is that life presents lots of challenges, and how we think and react to them influences our levels of happiness. I also believe that we can change how we think and react, learn how to use the good times as fuel to build resilience to cope with the lows.

My Story so far...
I'd like to share my story with you. I am 44, married to Sinclair for 23 years and I have 2 children. Kirsten who is 11 and heading to secondary school this year and Calum who lost his life to meningitis on 12th October 2007 aged 12.
My life changed for ever on that day, all the plans, hopes and dreams that I had for our future disappeared. For those that knew me before Calum's death I think they would have said I was a happy person, talkative, always on the go, trying new things, learning new things - an optimist. I had started my own business in 2006, leaving a well paid HR managers role to take the plunge into the world of managing emotions, stress and depression in particular. Now less than a year later I was plunged into a world of darkness. I think people thought I had gone mad in the days following Calum's death when I would tell people that we would be happy again. I set it as a mission for us as a family, I owed it to Calum - he was such a happy lad. I didn't really know how I would do it back in 2007, didn't know how I could claw my way out of the terrible bleakness that I felt. Losing a child is every parents worst nightmare, many don't find a way out of the blackness.
What I can say now is that there is no one thing that makes it better. No magical cure that suddenly lifts the dark veil and replaces it with glowing sunlight. There are lots of little things that can make life a bit better, and as the colour gradually came back in to my life I was able to use more things to help. Other people were very kind and that made such a difference - you can read more in David Hamilton's book Why Kindness is Good for You .

What I know is that whatever you use to help to begin with has to be simple. I knew that taking exercise would improve my mood but if I couldn't find the energy to get dressed then getting out was beyond me. I did open some essential oils and find them soothing, I opened a book with positive quotes and I looked up. If you are in the depths of despair even these simple things can help to change your thoughts and outlook.

I also want you to know that I acknowledged my feelings, my very wise GP gave me some advice to let go of the emotions. So I did scream and cry (often in the early days and still do some days) but I also decided to write to Calum. I wrote how I was feeling sometimes the tears smudged the ink, I wrote about what was happening, venting my feelings but also keeping a connection with my much loved son. I still write to Calum today but my journals are generally happier with more positive stories and fewer really low days.

I hope that you will join me on my journey. I want you to have hope that if you are feeling low, stressed, depressed, grieving, anxious or just hacked off that you will be able to change that. Everything changes, nothing stays the same for ever, so the negative thoughts and emotions that can grip us and cause us to hold back or even give up will pass. Try something new, a thought, a hope - a smile and they can pass quicker.

Thank you for reading, I plan to post at least once a week. My happiness meter for now is 7 out of 10. I am happy I have started this project that has been in my mind for a few weeks. I can tick one thing off my to do list and the sense of achievement is good.

Take care, be kind to yourselves and one another.
Kim
x

Welcome to Stress the Positive

2007-05-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

Welcome to a positive step to a new you.