Coping with change and creating happiness

Hi there,
It's been a long time ... sorry! I don't know where the time has gone. A lot has been happening in my life over the past few months, mostly good I will say.

THE BIG SCHOOL
Kirsten has now started secondary school, that is a biggie for me. She is now 12, having caught up with her big brother, and has taken that next step up the educational ladder. Kirsten is really enjoying school which is partly due to the excellent teachers and facilities at her school and partly due to her own attitude. She has had some wobbles too, a few tears and fears. I did expect this as any major change can throw up some anxiety. We deal with this by talking about how she feels and reminding her of her strengths. She has been encouraged her to join the school clubs and share her interests with others so she can make new friends. She is missing Calum a lot, she is enjoying seeing his 6th year friends at school but it is also a reminder that he isn't there. So we talk about Calum and what we think he might have been like, share our stories of him and keep him close to our hearts.

SHARING NEWS WITH THE WORLD
I have spoken about Calum to the Press in the past, to raise awareness of meningitis and about the fundraising we have done for the Meningits Trust. A couple of months ago I started to think about sharing my journey through grief with the Press. I wanted to give people some hope that you can survive your worst nightmare and still be happy. It's what this blog has been about. I wanted to let people know about the Happiness Club, the courses and this blog, to help people find ways to handle the crap that life can sometimes dish out. I met a wonderful journalist called Maria Croce who wrote a great article that was published in the Daily Record. You can read it here http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/real-life/2011/08/25/bereaved-mum-tells-how-she-copes-by-writing-to-her-dead-son-86908-23369875/
The article generated a lot of interest from other journalists, magazines and individuals looking for some help. Bella magazine are featuring my story very soon and the local Bishopbriggs Herald told the story again today.

HAPPINESS CLUBS, STAR WARS AND WORLD DOMINATION!

This had led me to really focus on how I can help others. The Happiness Club meetings have been going well, I am looking for other venues to expand them. I have developed Creating a Happier Life course for those who want to have a more concentrated boost of happiness. I have been developing ideas at such a rate that Sinclair is laughing at my plans for world domination! We now joke about how the Death Star is coming along and the question "What would Vader do?" is asked often. (Star Wars was Calum's favourite film).

HARRY POTTER AND BEATING THE DEMENTORS
Being inspired is a great feeling, it is at the completely opposite end of the spectrum from grief and depression. I remember the terrible black, soul less days after Calum's death when I had no hope or inclination to do anything. It made me think this is what JK Rowling must have been describing when the Dementors attacked people in Harry Potter (another of Calum's favourites). That feeling that you'll never be happy again and that all the light and love has been sucked out of the world. I know that is it possible to beat the Dementors and create your own Patronus (the charm that is created by focussing on the happiest memory and emotions). This is one of the techniques that I teach on my courses and at Happiness Club.
If anyone reading this is having a black day then remember the happiest, most wonderful memory that you have. Re-live it in your mind, surround yourself with it like a blanket and you will find it can let a little light into your day. Your situation may not have changed but your ability to cope with it will.

We all deserve a happy life, life is for enjoying and sharing now. If you need some help to feel happy then check out my website www.stressthepositive.co.uk

My life is happy, there are challenges and struggles, tears and worries being happy helps me cope with these times. I'd love to hear how you cope with difficult days.
Wishing you all good health and happiness,
Kim
x

Summer time and the living is easy...

Hello there - how is life treating you?
SO much for my once a week blog - you see I just get caught up in things, the time just flies by. How can it be quarter past July already?

Volunteers make a difference

School is finished and the summer holidays are well underway. Kirsten's leavers service was lovely, the Parents Association presented all the P7s with their new school tie, they sang their leavers song and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. The PA then organise a leavers disco for them all at night. The volunteers put such a lot of effort into making it a memorable event , it was lovely to see the kids in their finery and Kirsten all grown up in her little black dress. The volunteers feel good too - helping others really helps to take your mind off your own worries.

Summer fun

We had the first week of holidays at our caravan in St Andrews. It was great fun - first we had a friend of Kirsten's with us for a couple of days then my 3 lovely nieces joined us for the rest of the week. Thankfully we had great weather so lots of picnics, bbqs, sandcastles, in the water with clothes on, playing on the beach, trips to the park, picking strawberries and a lovely campfire evening with our wonderful friends the Berrys to finish it off.
I can honestly say this was a really happy holiday - probably the best one since Calum died. It was more like our old days, lots of laughs and full of fun. We did all miss him too though, there is still the feeling that he should be here leading the charge for the sea. Kirsten loved the company but it also highlighted her brother was missing. She had a few tears and was reluctant to have the campfire night as she wanted Calum to come home to be there. I know that sometimes when emotions are difficult that it seems easier to not do anything that will make it worse. I could have said ok - no campfire night but it wouldn't have changed the fact that Calum still wasn't with us. So I encouraged her with the Berrys would be there too (she loves them so much), so we had bbq, beans, strawberries dipped in melted choc and toasted marshmallows. We all wrote a wish on a sparkly bit of paper and put it into the fire to set it free. It was emotional we all shed a tear but it was a lovely, magical night. One that we will all remember for a very long time, and I am sure that Calum did join us he would never have missed a night like that! It is these moments that count - the good memories are worth their weight in gold, they are the fire for the soul in times of darkness.

Facing fears

A few weeks ago I walked over hot coals and it wasn't the campfire. I did a firewalk with some friends and family to raise funds for Calum's tribute fund at the Meningitis Trust. It was a wonderful experience, Liesha Ross, the organiser has a lovely gentle way of getting you to face your fears and believe that anything is possible. I met Liesha when I trained in NLP and turned to her to help me to handle my grief a few months after Calum's death. I know that we all need the help of others at times and the time was now right for me to walk over the coals and take me on the next stage of my journey. I have found new strength to focus on sales/marketing for my business. If I can walk over hot coals then picking up the phone to talk to someone about training courses is nothing.

What is holding you back? Is it a fear or a belief that something bad will happen? Try challenging your thinking - even a real hot fire can be walked on with no burns or blisters. You might not get the chance to firewalk, so shift your perspective take a deep breath and go for it. Watch the video here.

The Good Girl is out now.
SInclair's 2nd novel is now available on Kindle and in paperback, he has started on book 3. What we need now is lots of sales and some recommendations. A great summer read for any crime fiction fans - please check it out.

Be a kid.
The summer holidays can be long, filling the days with things to do that don't cost the earth requires a little thought and planning. Think it's time to haul out the games, the candle making stuff, the sewing machine, the quilting books, the baking bowl, the books to read, films to watch and my new elastic jumping ropes that I bought last week! Then there are my legendary picnics! Well I'm going to have fun even if no one else does.

Why not try being a kid again - look at life from their point of view even for just a short time can make such a difference to your mood. Go for a walk and look at how wonderful the world is - use your imagination - a stick can be so many things (Calum had a favourite one). The cleaning can wait, the washing can pile up - the bills will still be there but for a few minutes you can just be young and carefree.

So I have had quite a few memories to add to my bag of happiness in the last month. I look forward to adding a few more over the summer, I hope that you will too.

My happiness levels are at 10. Happy summer folks.
Kim
x

Do you have a choice?

Hi folks - how are you all out there in the land of tinternet? I am feeling positive and upbeat there have been some good things happen in my circle recently. My theme for this post is whether we can do anything about things that happen in our lives. Can we be in control? If so what are we in control of?

MUM'S UPDATE
If you read the last blog then you would know about my mum's breast cancer and how well her outcome has been. She is continuing to heal and has managed out to visit her friends at the local cafe where she works one day a week. Having social contact is so important in helping us to feel good. Sharing a laugh and a cup of coffee really boosts your immune system as well as your spirits. For us it's just great to see her getting better.

KIRSTEN GOES TO THE "BIG" SCHOOL
My daughter, Kirsten will be 12 next month and is in the last month of primary school. Yesterday was her first of 3 days induction at her new secondary school. This meant getting up earlier and getting a bus to school instead of leaving our house almost as she hears the school bell. Two of her friends came to join her to get the bus and off they went. I watched the three of them walk to the bus stop with a tear in my eye. I am pleased to see her grow up and head to the next phase of her life but it also comes with some sadness. New beginnings also have endings and we have had a wonderful relationship with the staff at her primary school. I am sure that Kirsten would not have coped so well at school after her brother's death without the care and nurturing provided by the head teacher and all the staff.
I also had a tear because Calum was not there to support and encourage her. I know that he would have loved showing off his little sister and introducing her to the ways of the big school. He was Kirsten's best friend as well as her brother. I watched her get on the bus and talked to Calum about his time starting high school and how nervous he had been. I remembered the panic and tears that quickly turned into smiles and laughs as he found his feet and made lots of new friends. I asked him to keep an eye on her and encourage her try new things.
I wiped away the tears and smiled as I felt close to my son, I talk to him a lot. He may not be with me in person but he is connected in spirit.
Kirsten enjoyed her first day and left this morning to go for the bus as if she had done it for years. She has opted to try the school cafe "might as well have a go just now" she said. So maybe Calum has managed to encourage her a little.
Her school leavers service is in a couple of weeks - the kids have been practising their leavers song. Think that I had better stock up on tissues now as I expect I won't be the only one with tears that day.


NEW BOOK ON THE WAY
Sinclair has finished writing his 2nd novel in the Reluctant Detective series, it's called "The Good Girl" and is set in and around St Andrews in Fife. He is working to finalise all versions for publishing :- paperback and ebooks so it should be available soon. He has been doing a tour of North Glasgow Libraries talking about his first book and his writing experiences as part of their Author tours. This has been an interesting experience with some nights busier than others. It is so good to see Sinclair living his dream of being a writer, of course there are challenges, marketing and selling to name two!
Four years ago when he was working as an IT manager for Network Rail he was so stressed. He hated the changes that were imposed that he didn't think improved services, he made his arguments against about how people were being treated because he cared about "the Railway" and his "Railway family". In the end he couldn't change what was going on, so he had to make a choice. He chose to leave and become self employed creating websites and doing IT support work for small businesses.
The change in Sinclair was instant he smiled and laughted again. Sadly just a few months later our son Calum died from meningitis. I am very grateful that those last few months of Calum's life were a really happy family time. We shared more time together, laughed, played and enjoyed life. Calum's death has also been a catalyst in Sinclair's life - he chose to finish one of his writing projects (having started many over the years). Two books done, number three is already started and he is out talking to audiences about his book. If you had asked Sinclair four years ago if he could be a published author his answer would probably have been no. I wonder how many of you have dreams that you don't think you will achieve?

IF YOU HIT A ROAD BLOCK
Life is a journey, sometimes we hit road blocks, diversions or are even moved to a different mode of transport. It's what you do when faced with these challenges that count. Many people ask me how I have coped with Calum's death. It is an ongoing journey but I know that I have a choice about what I think and do. I could have stayed in the bleak black place that I existed in after his death, I could have raged against the injustice of it all, asking why the world was robbed of a good kind person when so many "bad" people live. I could have shut myself away continuing to feel sorry for myself. All of these were choices, I doubt that anyone would have condemned me if I had chosen them. But I also knew I had a choice to find happiness again, to bring some colour into my life and share my life with others.

So for anyone else who may find themselves in a difficult place whatever the cirumstances I urge you to see that you have a choice. You can change things. It might not be an easy option, some find change scary. Sinclair chose to leave his well paid but soul destroying job, I chose to find happiness again. The how to get to where we are now came next. Even if you cannot change the cirumstances you can choose to take another point of view. If you think differently then things change.

So what can you choose to think differently about today?

If you live in Glasgow (Scotland) area and would like to explore more ways of being happy then give my Happiness Club a try.

Wishing you all a happy week.
Kim
x