Having a bad day? You can stick your Happiness Club ......

We all have bad days - me included. I thought I would share a little about a positivity challenged day for me recently.
 It started with a late  call off by a client, ok nothing major but meant reduced income for the week.  As the sun was shining I decided to head out and enjoy a longer walk with my dog so I came home feeling happier.

Next I had a difficult call from a colleague raising issues that left me feeling angry, upset and confused.  Much harder to shift this stuff - I knew I had to vent the anger so I stomped around, did some EFT then told a trusted friend about it. When her response helped me to laugh I felt much better.

Then came the techie challenges - getting things arranged for Happiness Club sessions I had wanted to share some video footage as part of the training for the evening.  Computer problems, sound issues and my IT guru not home!  OK use the logic and fault find - no change and now time was slipping away arrgghhh!  Hubby arrives home - "I may have to rebuild it "  NO! don't have time for this.   He fabulously sorts an audio version of stuff for me as I scrabble to print off a revised idea.  Guess what?   Printer is  out of ink.  Back to old fashioned paper and pen so the day is saved!

I know that this was not a major event - it was a series of irritating things. The Happiness Club night was all about Positivity - exploring optimism v pessimism and how to focus more on the positive.  But after the day I had boy did I also need it!   The night spent with the group sharing ideas and insights,  talking about how we spend our time, what we give our attention and focus to and how find ways to focus on the good stuff had restored my natural happy balance.  I had used my core strengths of optimism, hope and humour and felt a lot happier. 

Full of good cheer and wanting to share it with the world  - I posted on my Facebook page a thank you to the Happiness Club for returning my good mood.  But the day was not over yet.  Back comes a comment from someone who was clearly having a very bad time - much more serious than my minor grumblings, and she vented her anger telling me where to stick my Happiness Club!!!

Reflections

Life throws lots of stuff at us. Sometimes its little things but when they come together we can feel hard done by and annoyed. Sometimes life gives us huge challenges to face - death, job losses, relationship breakdowns, serious money problems and  illness that can really pull the rug from under our feet. 
Our reactions are not the same, the problems can affect the intesity of our feelings and one solution does not fit all.  I know that finding ways to let go of the bad feelings, the anger, hurt, sadness  and frustration we experience is needed before we can focus on the positive stuff.  I understand why that lady told me to shove my happiness club.  BUT here's the thing I know for sure - directing your anger onto someone else doesn't help.  Recognising that we can take responsibiilty for what we do next - for how we react to the situation is key. 

Do you stay a victim and blame everything and everyone for your difficulties or choose to learn and move on, to do things differently and change patterns.  The lessons shared at this month's Happiness Club from Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, shows we can change, we can learn to be more optimistic, to focus our attentions elsewhere and create more positivity.  

I know this to be completely true, having experienced the loss of my son Calum I chose not to remain bitter and angry at the world. I vented the emotions and then focussed my attention on bringing happiness into my life again. ( You can read more about this  in my book From Heartbreak to Happiness)  I used simple things to begin with and you can do the same.


March to Happiness Challenge.
March 20th is the second UN International day of happiness. Last year I was presented with a Happy Hero medal for my work on spreading happiness - I can't believe it's a year already! My medal was passed on to my happy hero who then passed it on to another and so on.

I had been thinking how I could spread happiness further this month and have created a FREE March to Happiness Challenge. I am sharing some easy tips to boost your mood and feel happier each week this month. It's really easy to do and can even boost your business and your health!
Each Monday and Friday in March I have produced a short video sharing easy ways to focus your attention on the positive stuff, to boost your mood and feel better.  You can join in and see how these simple things can make a difference to you.
Here's the first video

Join me on my Facebook Group : https://www.facebook.com/groups/marchtohappiness/ and let me know your thoughts.  There are 2 other videos on there too.

 Are you ready to give it a go? Feeling happier will not magically change your circumstances but I know that it can help you look at those circumstances from a new perspective. You may even find answers to things that you thought were impossible. You may find that your bad days may not be so bad anymore.  

Top ten tips for coping with grief at Christmas

Christmas is a time for having fun with friends and family, but for some it is a difficult time that highlights the loss of a loved one.  Grief and loss are difficult to deal with at any time but for many the festive season brings more challenges. I understand those challenges only too well but also know that there are things you can do to make it easier for you and your family. I have experienced many deaths and known deep grief especially with the loss of my son Calum in 2007. Those of you who follow my blog or come along to my Happiness Club or workshops will know that I like to focus on happiness and feeling positive.   I know that happiness is possible but I am also very aware that at times it is more about getting through the next minute, hour or day, especially if your loss is a recent one.

Loss seems even more intense at this time of year as the rest of the world seems to be having a wonderful time, with all the TV ads showing the perfect family Christmas, with fabulous dinners, beautiful presents and beautiful people enjoying parties.  I know that their are many people around the country who may be struggling with their feelings of loss so here are my suggestions to make life a little easier. 

1. Don't pretend that you are ok if you are struggling.  Share how you are feeling with someone, a chat with a friend can make all the difference.
2. Write down how you feel, write a letter to your loved one it helps to keep them close.
3. Let go of the emotions - cry, scream, stamp your feet, beat up cushions - please note I said cushions not people ;-)
4. Now give yourself some comfort - wrap yourself in a blanket, have a hot mug of tea and maybe a mince pie as you have a conversation with your loved one - silently or out loud it's up to you.  If you are talking out loud be aware of who is around you I sure got some funny looks at times!
5. Remind yourself that all things change and even feeling overwhelmed, drained, exhausted, hopeless, or utterly bereft will pass.  It is normal to feel this way and among the dark times you will begin to notice small glimmers of light.
6. Ask for help - people want to help but often don't know what to do - let them go shopping and cook food, buy and wrap presents, help out with cleaning, looking after pets, children whatever you are finding too much of an effort.
7. Give yourself at least one task to do each day and reward yourself afterwards - chocolate is good.  Maybe you could even help someone else with something, doing things for others can shift your focus and increase your energy too.
8. Do what you can to get moving each day, look up, smile even if you don't feel like it and walk - outdoors is great but even around the house will help.
9. Talk to your family and friends about what you want to do on Christmas day - imagine what your loved one would say, you may feel like shutting yourself away but having company even for part of the day can make a difference.
10. Watch some funny movies, listen to your favourite tunes and remember the happier times. Know that you will feel better, Christmas is another day and you may find it's not as bad as you feared.

I hope this has given you some inspiration or some ideas of how you could help someone else.  

I have also arranged a special online webinar on Thursday 19th December at 8pm (GMT) where I will be giving more useful suggestions.
 

Online Webinar : How to cope with grief at Christmas

On this call, I will share my practical tips and suggestions on coping with grief during the festive period. The very things that make a difference to me even now.  There will be no sales pitches, this is all about practical help including: 

• What to do if you just can't face the thought of Christmas without your loved one.
• How to manage if your tears never seem to stop.
• Finding some light in the darkest of days.
• How to cope with all those Christmas adverts, songs and smiling faces.
• What to do about cards and presents.
• How to ask others for help.
• Do you need a plan?

With love and kindness,
Kim
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