Did you notice the day that your sweet smiling child changed into a surly, moody teenager? Possibly not but you have probably heard it. The door slamming, foot stomping, tears and tantrums and that’s just from you!
Being a
parent of a teenager can be stressful.
As a mother you want the best for your child so it’s natural to worry
about them. The change to secondary
school, new subjects and routines can be unsettling for some. Exams and homework become battlegrounds. Making new friends and finding a way to fit
in can bring other changes:- hairstyles, clothes, music and new interests. They push the boundaries looking for ways to
be more grown up, staying out later, going into town, boyfriends/girlfriends
and “what do you know Mum?” “Everyone
else is going!” They have a language all
their own texting, BBM. Facebook and YouTube are lifelines they can’t live
without. They know all about sex, drugs,
alcohol, eating disorders and self harming.
They are super confident, street smart and world savvy.
AND YET...
Your son or
daughter may be really anxious and stressed. They may struggle to sleep and have panic
attacks or feel really low and struggle to cope. As hormones hit home and the body changes, as
the other social factors play out and family dynamics change many of you will
recognise that both you and your teenager have to adjust. So how do you cope? How do you help your child? Where is the
action plan and SWOT analysis? Is there an App for this? You are a successful businesswoman, of course
you can cope!!!
Before you
reach for the wine, chocolate and hankies, recognise – YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I know what it’s like, I have a teenage
daughter and have helped lots of young people and their parents to develop life
skills to cope with change and stressful times. You can bring peace and
happiness to your lives. NLP (Nero
Linguistic Programming) and Positive Psychology offer great tools and
techniques to take control of your thoughts and emotions, to change usual
responses and make life easier.
The move from primary years to teenage tears
can be made easier with a little TLC (Thought, Laughter and Coffee). So grab a cup and explore my top tips for
happy teens and parents.
1.
BREATHE! – Diffuse any stressful situation fast. If you are stressed your breathing becomes shallower,
this can increase feelings of anxiety, chest tightness, fatigue, insomnia and
light headedness. Slow deep breathing
has been proven to calm your nervous system and interrupt the pattern of
thoughts/reactions.
Breathe deeply in through the nose; imagine
you can smell something you really like. Hold that breath for a few seconds
then blow out very slowly. Imagine you
have a birthday candle on a cupcake close to your mouth and blow so slowly that
you don’t blow the candle out! Three or
four deep breaths will bring a sense of calm.
2.
FEEL GOOD
FLIP SWITCH – Our thoughts, emotions and behaviours are connected, when you think about something it
starts a chain reaction. We are creatures of habit and develop patterns of
responses over time. Changing the
thought will change the pattern. A quick
way to do this is to flip your thoughts to something that is really positive
and happy. Choose a memory of a really
happy time, remember who was there, what did you do, what did you see, hear and
feel? Immerse yourself in that memory for a couple of minutes. You will feel more relaxed and happier.
3. THREE GOOD THINGS
– Another
way to boost how good you feel is to focus on what has been good about your
day. It is a great way to shift your focus if you spend a few minutes
discussing it over dinner and maybe even writing it in a gratitude
journal. The good things don’t have to be big – from a smile to doing
well in a class, making a sale or getting good customer feedback. When
you focus on what you have and are grateful for it, this boosts positive
receptors in the brain and help to rewire those neural pathways. It’s like
walking on Happy Street J. When you record them you can read over
them whenever you have a down day. If you build this into your day it can
really make a big difference so that you feel less stressed by life.
Using these tips will create a sense of calm and build a more
positive environment. Spend some time
with your teen, share a coffee; find something to laugh at together. You will find it’s easier to discuss worries
and concerns when you are both feeling relaxed.
You might just see your happy smiling child is still in there.
