How to stay happy as the weather changes ..

Can the weather affect your mood? 

Many studies and people I know say yes. SAD (seasonally affected disorder) has been recognised by the NHS in the UK, many people say that they experience lower energy, are less sociable, crave carbohydrates, sleep longer and have reduced sex drive. I wonder how many seasons we have in a year as this could describe several friends at least once a month!
But there are also some people who don't like summer and who were really grumpy when the sun shone this year.  Some folks don't like the rain and avoid it all costs.  Don't get me started on what the wind does to us, and not only after too many baked beans!
All sorts of weather can affect us but as Billy Connolly once said " In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes."  So what can you do apart from buy yourself a warm coat and some new wellies?

• I recognise that during the dark winter nights it can be more of an effort to go out and be sociable. Spending time with friends is one thing that happy people do so it is worth making the effort to stay connected.  How about planning ahead? Make plans with your friends to meet up once a week, even in each others houses then at least one of you gets to stay home.
• Join a club or class and have some fun learning new skills - the Happiness Club is a great example.
• Adding some physical activity into the mix can boost your mood - doesn't have to be the gym, try dancing or walking. Join a group and you can add extra social time too.
• Laugh more.  Make a choice to look for the funny side in life.  Watch funny programs, films and even read some silly joke books.  Anything to get you chuckling. You could try laughter yoga check out Joyworks who will be at the Happiness Day conference.
• Make time for play. Games, play doh, hobbies and get up to some mischief. It's not just for kids all the happiest people I know enjoy some mischief I reckon it keeps you young.

You can't control the weather so control what you can - make a decision now that you are going to do what you can to feel happier.

How does smiling make you happier?

When someone smiles it shows that they are happy - but did you know that smiling also causes happiness? 

 In 1989, a psychologist named Robert Zajonc published one of the most significant studies on the emotional effect of producing a smile. His subjects repeated vowel sounds that forced their faces into various expressions. To mimic some of the characteristics of a smile, they made the long "e" sound, which stretches the corners of the mouth outward. Other vowel sounds were also tested, including the long "u," which forces the mouth into a pouty expression. Subjects reported feeling good after making the long "e" sound, and feeling bad after the long "u."
In yet another experiment, one group of subjects was shown pictures of various facial expressions; another group made those facial expressions and a final group made those expressions while looking in the mirror. The evidence all points toward smiling as a cause of happy feelings. According to Dr Zajonc's  hypothesis, the facial changes involved in smiling have direct effects on certain brain activities associated with happiness.

You also catch smiles too as you have brain cells called mirror neurons that fire not only when you smile but also when you watch someone else smile too. Before the discovery of mirror neurons, scientists generally believed that our brains use logical thought processes to interpret and predict other people’s actions. Now, however, many have come to believe that we understand others not by thinking, but by feeling. For mirror neurons appear to let us “simulate” not just other people’s actions, but the intentions and emotions behind those actions. When you see someone smile, for example, your mirror neurons for smiling fire up, too, creating a sensation in your own mind of the feeling associated with smiling. You don’t have to think about what the other person intends by smiling. You experience the meaning immediately and effortlessly, giving you a boost.  This explains why we feel good being in the compnay of positive and upbeat people and also why we can feel drained and exhausted by dour and miserable folks.

I had a conversation with someone recently about the lack of smiles around.  I know that life can be tough, you can have worries and troubles and smiling may be the last thing on your mind. But just think - if you smile or spend time with someone who is happy it lifts your mood.  When you feel happier you see your problems from a different perspective, you may just see a solution or have an idea that your brain was closed to before. This is why I am a big fan of creating more smiles and happiness - it improves your life, it helps you cope and you can then pass your smile on to others.

But does this mean that you should just put a smile on your face and it will all be ok?  No I don't think so but it is a good place to start. When you choose to focus on smiling more then you let go of the negative thoughts that may be overwhelming you even for a minute. This can give your brain a wee breather - a bit of space to relax and start you on a different route.  After all if you keep doing the same things then you will get the same results.  Start with a smile - it's free. :-)







Want to add more happiness to your life join the Happiness Club - my monthly club is about increasing the positive happy times and finding ways to handle the bad stuff.

Celebrate the happy, smiley people in your life with The Smile Awards

Have you nominated someone for a Smile Award yet?  Nominate someone who lights up your life with a cheery grin, a hearty laugh or their positive attitude. Tell us about the people who help make you smile. It could be a happy postie, a helpful shop assistant or a cheery refuse collector, a neighbour or friend who brightens your day with their positive attitude or who has helped you through a difficult time. Tell us about the person who lifts your spirits and why they should win a Smile Award.
All nominees will feature on the Smilers page of Scotland's Happiness Day website and if you wish may be featured in a Johnston Press local newspaper.  A winner will be chosen for each of our 11 regions. The regional winners of the Smile Awards will be invited guests at the Happiness conference in Glasgow on 2nd November, treated to a VIP lunch and presented with a Smile Award medal.  The national Smile Award winner will be chosen on the day and presented with a trophy.

COPING WITH CHANGE: TOP TIPS FOR PARENTS WITH TEENS

 Did you notice the day that your sweet smiling child changed into a surly, moody teenager?  Possibly not but you have probably heard it.  The door slamming, foot stomping, tears and tantrums and that’s just from you! 

Being a parent of a teenager can be stressful.  As a mother you want the best for your child so it’s natural to worry about them.  The change to secondary school, new subjects and routines can be unsettling for some.  Exams and homework become battlegrounds.  Making new friends and finding a way to fit in can bring other changes:- hairstyles, clothes, music and new interests.  They push the boundaries looking for ways to be more grown up, staying out later, going into town, boyfriends/girlfriends and “what do you know Mum?”  “Everyone else is going!”  They have a language all their own texting, BBM. Facebook and YouTube are lifelines they can’t live without.  They know all about sex, drugs, alcohol, eating disorders and self harming.  They are super confident, street smart and world savvy.

AND YET...

Your son or daughter may be really anxious and stressed.  They may struggle to sleep and have panic attacks or feel really low and struggle to cope.  As hormones hit home and the body changes, as the other social factors play out and family dynamics change many of you will recognise that both you and your teenager have to adjust.  So how do you cope?  How do you help your child? Where is the action plan and SWOT analysis? Is there an App for this?  You are a successful businesswoman, of course you can cope!!! 

Before you reach for the wine, chocolate and hankies, recognise – YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  I know what it’s like, I have a teenage daughter and have helped lots of young people and their parents to develop life skills to cope with change and stressful times. You can bring peace and happiness to your lives.  NLP (Nero Linguistic Programming) and Positive Psychology offer great tools and techniques to take control of your thoughts and emotions, to change usual responses and make life easier.

 The move from primary years to teenage tears can be made easier with a little TLC (Thought, Laughter and Coffee).  So grab a cup and explore my top tips for happy teens and parents. 

1.       BREATHE! – Diffuse any stressful situation fast.  If you are stressed your breathing becomes shallower, this can increase feelings of anxiety, chest tightness, fatigue, insomnia and light headedness.  Slow deep breathing has been proven to calm your nervous system and interrupt the pattern of thoughts/reactions.

 Breathe deeply in through the nose; imagine you can smell something you really like. Hold that breath for a few seconds then blow out very slowly.  Imagine you have a birthday candle on a cupcake close to your mouth and blow so slowly that you don’t blow the candle out!  Three or four deep breaths will bring a sense of calm.

2.       FEEL GOOD FLIP SWITCH – Our thoughts, emotions and behaviours  are connected, when you think about something it starts a chain reaction. We are creatures of habit and develop patterns of responses over time.  Changing the thought will change the pattern.  A quick way to do this is to flip your thoughts to something that is really positive and happy.  Choose a memory of a really happy time, remember who was there, what did you do, what did you see, hear and feel? Immerse yourself in that memory for a couple of minutes.  You will feel more relaxed and happier.

3.       THREE GOOD THINGS – Another way to boost how good you feel is to focus on what has been good about your day.  It is a great way to shift your focus if you spend a few minutes discussing it over dinner and maybe even writing it in a gratitude journal.  The good things don’t have to be big – from a smile to doing well in a class, making a sale or getting good customer feedback.  When you focus on what you have and are grateful for it, this boosts positive receptors in the brain and help to rewire those neural pathways.  It’s like walking on Happy Street J.  When you record them you can read over them whenever you have a down day. If you build this into your day it can really make a big difference so that you feel less stressed by life. 

Using these tips will create a sense of calm and build a more positive environment.  Spend some time with your teen, share a coffee; find something to laugh at together.  You will find it’s easier to discuss worries and concerns when you are both feeling relaxed.  You might just see your happy smiling child is still in there. 

Looking forward and looking back

When I started writing this blog I promised to be honest about was happening in my life and how I cope with the difficult times.  I wanted people to know that being happy and feeling positive is something that can be achieved even when life isn't great.

I know too that focusing on the positive side doesn't mean that everything in life is wonderful, this blog has been a way for me to explore how my emotions and thoughts impact on me and my family. I hope that by sharing my experiences that it gives you some hope and maybe some tips on how to feel happier.

INSPIRED BY OTHERS
December is an emotional time for me (and for a lot of other people)  Calum's birthday is the 8th December, he would have been 17 this year, (he died just a few weeks shy of his 13th birthday). This year his friends in 6th year at Bishopbriggs Academy chose the Meningitis Trust as the school charity of the year in remembrance of Calum. They decided to hold a Memorial Service to remember him and celebrate their memories of him, they wanted the people in school to know this was not just any charity their fundraising efforts were for their friend.  The video that they made to show at the service is so wonderful, it made me smile and laugh through my tears.  I loved the smiles and light in their eyes as they remembered Calum. So many young people are held up to be neds with no care or interest in others, watch this and see the positive encouraging side to these young folks.Remembering Calum by S6 Bishopbriggs Academy

The school then had a week of fundraising activities culminating in a sponsored sleepover for S6 in the school last week. Calum would have just loved being a part of it and I am so pleased that they had great fun raising money for a very supportive charity.  

Kirsten, my gorgeous daughter, is now 12 and in first year at this school. She has been involved in the fundraising activities with Calum's friends that she also grew up with.  She has loved this but it has also been an emotional journey for her too.

HAPPINESS AND TEARS


So add all this with Christmas, my mum back in hospital again for another op, some worries over work and money and it is not difficult to see how my emotions have been a bit raw.  I have felt really weepy at times, a bit frazzled and low.  Is this allowed for someone who runs Happiness Clubs and wants to inspire Scotland to be happier?


Of course it is! - Not one of us is immune to low times, me included. If I cry I release that emotion, I feel better for it, trying to hold them back just creates more pressure. So what next? I am blessed to have some very good friends and they are so kind and helpful in different ways, acknowledging how I feel with them sharing tears and then laughter really helps.  

So today I feel like I am turning the corner again, I have some inspiration back maybe not quite all my energy yet. Last night I went out with Kirsten to see the School Band perform in Glasgow and caught up with a few friends for a chat.  It was good to laugh with them.

It's times like this that I have to dig into my own Bag of Happiness to find the things that help me.  Essential oils - bergamot and peppermint, uplifting music, remembering that I have achieved so much, immersing myself in some really good memories, looking forward to spending time at Christmas with my family and Boxing day with my very best friend and her lovely family. Focussing on gratitiude creates a feeling of wealth and abundance, I have so much to be grateful for - mostly friends and family.


Life will continue to throw challenges but I know that I can cope, I know that I have learned a lot so far that has helped me and that I will continue to learn.  I also know that sometimes I will forget what I have learned!  We all need to be reminded now and then.  


Looking forward to next year


I think that so many people are living in fear and worry.  I understand it so we are bombarded by the news of how terrible our economy is, how few jobs there are, how dangerous the world is. My response is to increase the number of Happiness Clubs and get others involved to create more happiness and positive energy.  I know that life can be shit - I know that we can't just go into a wee Happiness bubble and it will all go away.
BUT I know that when I can lift my mood, feel happier and more positive then it gives me fuel to energise me.  I can look at the same problems through different eyes and see a solution I didn't before, I can start to believe that things will get better and find ways to help myself and others so that it is better.  

I have developed a new personal development program Happiness in Action that will give you the tools to create more positive thoughts and happiness for youself.  As soon as I have charged my batteries fully then you will hear more about the exciting new options for this program.


As Christmas approaches I send my love to everyone who is missing someone, to those who have worries and concerns, to those whose health could be better, to those that strive for a new job, to anyone without a home. I also send my love to those who are doing well and feeling good, may you share your good feelings with those that need it.  

So December may be emotional - highs and lows just like life really. I learn and grow in the low times then create and reap the benefits in the high times.  You can too.


Merry Christmas
Kim xxxx

Death and Happiness

Today I am saddened by the death of Gary Speed at the young age of 42. I did not know him personally but like so many others have watched and listened to the stories from those who did.  I have heard so many people say what a happy person he was so how could a happy person with all the success he had feel so low that they end their own lives?

So many of us put on a face to the world around us, when asked how we are we may say "fine" or "no bad". We may not want to admit to others that we feel so terrible that not living seems like the only option.  Talking about how we really feel to a trusted friend can be a life saver, when we say the words that rattle around inside our heads we can challenge them.  If we have no one to help us challenge the negative thoughts of hopelessness then they will grow stronger as we focus on them. 

I remember one very bleak night not long after Calum died, sitting crying as I couldn’t sleep.  I just wanted this terrible pain to end, I wanted the hurt and hopeless feelings to go away.  I thought that if my husband and daughter died with me then we would all be together again with Calum.  That would take away the hurt and pain for us all and it would be ok.  I had an outlet for my thoughts though – I wrote to Calum in a journal.  Even as I wrote the words I realised that it was not death that I wanted but a happier life back.  At that time I didn’t really know how I could have happiness but it got me through that night.

I have lots of friends and family who supported me through this terrible time, they listened to me, were kind to me in so many ways and through the pain and sorrow some light began to appear. (You can read a little more of this in David Hamilton’s book Why Kindness is Good For You). What I held on to was that I wanted to be happy, it was right to be happy and so I developed a mindset to allow happiness into my life.

My story is not a miraculous overnight recovery, it took time to grieve for the loss of Calum and heal the pain.  It’s 4 years on and I am happy, I still have times when I feel sad or low and I acknowledge them because living a happy life means living a real life with all its ups and downs.  I still write to Calum, I find that it helps me to get the thoughts out of my head and help to shift my perspective. I also write when I am happy and inspired so I share the positive thoughts too.  

If you find yourself at a real low talk to a friend, GP, Support line like Samaritans or Breathing Space or try writing. Ask yourself what is it that I really want – to end the pain and misery may be your first answer but what do you want instead? Is it to be happy? Make that your focus and it will shift your perspective on life a little. A little glimmer of light on a dark night can be all that it takes to start your journey. 

 You can read some of the practical ways that I handle the lows and create more happiness in my life in previous blogs.  I support individuals, teach Creating aHappier life courses and run Happiness Clubs, where we can all learn new skills and share in a common aim – to be happier.  Please feel free to contact me if you want to know more.