How does smiling make you happier?

When someone smiles it shows that they are happy - but did you know that smiling also causes happiness? 

 In 1989, a psychologist named Robert Zajonc published one of the most significant studies on the emotional effect of producing a smile. His subjects repeated vowel sounds that forced their faces into various expressions. To mimic some of the characteristics of a smile, they made the long "e" sound, which stretches the corners of the mouth outward. Other vowel sounds were also tested, including the long "u," which forces the mouth into a pouty expression. Subjects reported feeling good after making the long "e" sound, and feeling bad after the long "u."
In yet another experiment, one group of subjects was shown pictures of various facial expressions; another group made those facial expressions and a final group made those expressions while looking in the mirror. The evidence all points toward smiling as a cause of happy feelings. According to Dr Zajonc's  hypothesis, the facial changes involved in smiling have direct effects on certain brain activities associated with happiness.

You also catch smiles too as you have brain cells called mirror neurons that fire not only when you smile but also when you watch someone else smile too. Before the discovery of mirror neurons, scientists generally believed that our brains use logical thought processes to interpret and predict other people’s actions. Now, however, many have come to believe that we understand others not by thinking, but by feeling. For mirror neurons appear to let us “simulate” not just other people’s actions, but the intentions and emotions behind those actions. When you see someone smile, for example, your mirror neurons for smiling fire up, too, creating a sensation in your own mind of the feeling associated with smiling. You don’t have to think about what the other person intends by smiling. You experience the meaning immediately and effortlessly, giving you a boost.  This explains why we feel good being in the compnay of positive and upbeat people and also why we can feel drained and exhausted by dour and miserable folks.

I had a conversation with someone recently about the lack of smiles around.  I know that life can be tough, you can have worries and troubles and smiling may be the last thing on your mind. But just think - if you smile or spend time with someone who is happy it lifts your mood.  When you feel happier you see your problems from a different perspective, you may just see a solution or have an idea that your brain was closed to before. This is why I am a big fan of creating more smiles and happiness - it improves your life, it helps you cope and you can then pass your smile on to others.

But does this mean that you should just put a smile on your face and it will all be ok?  No I don't think so but it is a good place to start. When you choose to focus on smiling more then you let go of the negative thoughts that may be overwhelming you even for a minute. This can give your brain a wee breather - a bit of space to relax and start you on a different route.  After all if you keep doing the same things then you will get the same results.  Start with a smile - it's free. :-)







Want to add more happiness to your life join the Happiness Club - my monthly club is about increasing the positive happy times and finding ways to handle the bad stuff.

Celebrate the happy, smiley people in your life with The Smile Awards

Have you nominated someone for a Smile Award yet?  Nominate someone who lights up your life with a cheery grin, a hearty laugh or their positive attitude. Tell us about the people who help make you smile. It could be a happy postie, a helpful shop assistant or a cheery refuse collector, a neighbour or friend who brightens your day with their positive attitude or who has helped you through a difficult time. Tell us about the person who lifts your spirits and why they should win a Smile Award.
All nominees will feature on the Smilers page of Scotland's Happiness Day website and if you wish may be featured in a Johnston Press local newspaper.  A winner will be chosen for each of our 11 regions. The regional winners of the Smile Awards will be invited guests at the Happiness conference in Glasgow on 2nd November, treated to a VIP lunch and presented with a Smile Award medal.  The national Smile Award winner will be chosen on the day and presented with a trophy.

Are your kitchen cupboard's in danger?

Are you feeling frazzled? 

Tense, overwhelmed and exhausted? Is your life feeling a bit out of control? It can happen to the best of us - our stress levels can creep up and the slightest wee thing can create an avalanche of emotion. 

If your cupboard doors are in danger of coming off the hinges with all the slamming they get, if your cat runs a mile every time they see you, if you are sick of hearing yourself shouting or crying then it's time for a new approach. 

So here's a quick check - where are your shoulders?  Are they up around your ears or sitting naturally ?  When stress levels rise so do our shoulders!  It's time to take a breather, relax a bit, write the to do list, and start with what you can. Be realistic, if there is too much to do then rope in some help. Learning to control what you can and letting go of what you can't makes such a difference.  It takes practice and a new way of thinking sometimes. 

Your thoughts affect your feelings and this affects what you do.  Are you aware of your thoughts? Probably not it's those feelings or even the actions that we notice first, especially when the cupboard door slams and knocks over the glasses, they break, you scream and the cat runs for cover leaving you a bubbling wreck!  
All change has to start somewhere, keeping doing the same things means you'll get the same results.  But how do you let go of overwhelming stress?  Do you have to start meditating, eating green smoothies, chanting and going off to find yourself in a retreat?  Well these could all help but I reckon they aren't practical for the majority of us.  Small steps  can be the bridge to go from stressed out to happy.   
Look at the big stresses - can you do anything about them?  What is the smallest step you could take right now?  Maybe it's even acknowledging that you need a little help?  

My first small steps involve breathing, cups of tea, a walk, music, some laughter then a list to go through. Once I feel a bit more relaxed the things that stressed me out seem a little more manageable. 
 
Building Bridges to Happiness : Clearing Stress is a great new course that provides solutions from a range of techniques from NLP, Hypnotherapy, Relaxation, Alternative therapies and positive psychology. Learn new ways of thinking and practical ways to feel better.
Spend a relaxing Friday morning with me next week, 8th March and create your own FEEL GOOD FRIDAY.

At ONLY £35 it's much cheaper than new kitchen cupboards!

BOOK NOW http://www.meetup.com/The-Happiness-Club/events/104058332/

COPING WITH CHANGE: TOP TIPS FOR PARENTS WITH TEENS

 Did you notice the day that your sweet smiling child changed into a surly, moody teenager?  Possibly not but you have probably heard it.  The door slamming, foot stomping, tears and tantrums and that’s just from you! 

Being a parent of a teenager can be stressful.  As a mother you want the best for your child so it’s natural to worry about them.  The change to secondary school, new subjects and routines can be unsettling for some.  Exams and homework become battlegrounds.  Making new friends and finding a way to fit in can bring other changes:- hairstyles, clothes, music and new interests.  They push the boundaries looking for ways to be more grown up, staying out later, going into town, boyfriends/girlfriends and “what do you know Mum?”  “Everyone else is going!”  They have a language all their own texting, BBM. Facebook and YouTube are lifelines they can’t live without.  They know all about sex, drugs, alcohol, eating disorders and self harming.  They are super confident, street smart and world savvy.

AND YET...

Your son or daughter may be really anxious and stressed.  They may struggle to sleep and have panic attacks or feel really low and struggle to cope.  As hormones hit home and the body changes, as the other social factors play out and family dynamics change many of you will recognise that both you and your teenager have to adjust.  So how do you cope?  How do you help your child? Where is the action plan and SWOT analysis? Is there an App for this?  You are a successful businesswoman, of course you can cope!!! 

Before you reach for the wine, chocolate and hankies, recognise – YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  I know what it’s like, I have a teenage daughter and have helped lots of young people and their parents to develop life skills to cope with change and stressful times. You can bring peace and happiness to your lives.  NLP (Nero Linguistic Programming) and Positive Psychology offer great tools and techniques to take control of your thoughts and emotions, to change usual responses and make life easier.

 The move from primary years to teenage tears can be made easier with a little TLC (Thought, Laughter and Coffee).  So grab a cup and explore my top tips for happy teens and parents. 

1.       BREATHE! – Diffuse any stressful situation fast.  If you are stressed your breathing becomes shallower, this can increase feelings of anxiety, chest tightness, fatigue, insomnia and light headedness.  Slow deep breathing has been proven to calm your nervous system and interrupt the pattern of thoughts/reactions.

 Breathe deeply in through the nose; imagine you can smell something you really like. Hold that breath for a few seconds then blow out very slowly.  Imagine you have a birthday candle on a cupcake close to your mouth and blow so slowly that you don’t blow the candle out!  Three or four deep breaths will bring a sense of calm.

2.       FEEL GOOD FLIP SWITCH – Our thoughts, emotions and behaviours  are connected, when you think about something it starts a chain reaction. We are creatures of habit and develop patterns of responses over time.  Changing the thought will change the pattern.  A quick way to do this is to flip your thoughts to something that is really positive and happy.  Choose a memory of a really happy time, remember who was there, what did you do, what did you see, hear and feel? Immerse yourself in that memory for a couple of minutes.  You will feel more relaxed and happier.

3.       THREE GOOD THINGS – Another way to boost how good you feel is to focus on what has been good about your day.  It is a great way to shift your focus if you spend a few minutes discussing it over dinner and maybe even writing it in a gratitude journal.  The good things don’t have to be big – from a smile to doing well in a class, making a sale or getting good customer feedback.  When you focus on what you have and are grateful for it, this boosts positive receptors in the brain and help to rewire those neural pathways.  It’s like walking on Happy Street J.  When you record them you can read over them whenever you have a down day. If you build this into your day it can really make a big difference so that you feel less stressed by life. 

Using these tips will create a sense of calm and build a more positive environment.  Spend some time with your teen, share a coffee; find something to laugh at together.  You will find it’s easier to discuss worries and concerns when you are both feeling relaxed.  You might just see your happy smiling child is still in there. 

Creating happiness, bouncing back and sharing hope with Scotland’s Happiness Day.

My first blog post in a while!  I was asked to write what the background was to Scotland's Happiness Day so here it is ... 

Life is very rarely ever a straight line; it goes up and down all the time. Happiness gives you resilience to cope with anything that life throws at you, to bounce back on your feet and make life better.  Happiness creates success too - everyone benefits when we feel good, positive emotions spread out so we can create better things for ourselves and others too.  If people understand this and know how to go about it, just think how much better our society could be.

I spent 20 years working as a Human Resources Manager in various sectors. I have seen so many people struggle with stress, worry, anxiety and fear.  High levels of unhappiness in a workplace can see co-operation, teamwork, productivity and social interaction replaced with hostile silos of low morale, increased absence, lack of trust and reduced work flow. I have seen people be floored by depression, which left them feeling so low and bleak, unable to express or feel any emotion.

 I wanted to find a way to help people to step out of this negative mindset, to feel more positive and break free from the negative spiral. My thirst for personal development has led me to explore topics on everything from spirituality, the soul, reincarnation, neuroscience, the power of the brain, quantum universes, emotional intelligence and loads more. I read a lot of positive psychology books, self help books and learned a variety of alternative therapies.  The real breakthrough came when I learned NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) - it blew my mind as it delivers fast results and a whole set of tools to change the mind set.

I decided to leave my job in HR in 2006 to set up my own business, Stress the Positive, to help people who were struggling with life find a more positive way to handle things.  I combined my NLP therapy with my other skills and knowledge, developed some courses and provided one-to-one therapy sessions.  It was all very exciting and rewarding as the clients I was working with changed their lives around quickly.

I also taught my two children, Calum and Kirsten, the techniques that I had learned and their minds grew, they understood that they could change how they felt.  Tragically, in October 2007, just a few weeks short of his 13^th birthday, Calum lost his life to meningitis.

The impact of Calum’s death shook me to my very core. The grief, depression, panic and anxiety were overwhelming.  I questioned so many of my values trying to make sense of what had happened, but I vowed that I would be happy again, that our family would survive this tragedy. I wanted Calum to be proud of us and to recognise us as the family he knew if he could see us.

Surviving Grief

After learning all these great techniques and ways to help others I now found myself having to apply them to my own thoughts.  Grief is about as far removed from happiness as I have ever been; I described my days as black with no motivation to do anything. I knew that exercise can increase endorphins but as I struggled to get dressed, going outside seemed beyond me.  This is when I began to use little simple things to lift my mood for a short while.

Listening to upbeat music, using aromatherapy oils like bergamot and peppermint, reading inspiring quotes from books like “1001 ways to make you smile” and looking up to the sky helped to create a chink of light in the darkness.  I began to write letters to Calum in a journal, pouring out my emotions while feeling a connection with him.  Together with family and friends we began to raise awareness and funds for the Meningitis Trust.  Many people helped with our fundraising efforts and we were on the receiving end of such kindness from people all over the world.  These acts of kindness were like a beacon of light in the darkness that allowed some colour and happiness to enter my world.  I was then able to use even more of my knowledge, disconnecting the trauma and emotion using a variety of NLP techniques and mindfulness.  Gradually I became happier, friends and family noticed the difference as I smiled more and even began to laugh again. 

Grief does not just vanish though; I still have days that are difficult but this is only natural. It is why real life happiness is so important to me.  This is not just positive thinking and pretend everything is wonderful, it is learning what can work, trying new things and storing the happy energy to help bounce back from the low points.  Use good memories to connect with positive emotions, learn some new skill (I took up quilt making and made a memory quilt), build strong connections with friends, help other people, watch something funny to make you laugh, dance in your living room, blow bubbles or whatever works for you.  

The Happiness Club is born.( http://www.meetup.com/The-Happiness-Club) 

I learned so much about what helped me feel happier that I wanted to share that with as many people as possible. The Happiness Club was born coinciding with the launch of Action for Happiness in April 2011.

Now with over 200 members and 3 locations our meetings can certainly never be labelled as ‘boring’.  Action for Happiness - 10 Keys to Happier Living created the monthly themes this year, but this isn’t just about discussion. The focus is to learn and try out real tools that can help too – members can learn NLP techniques to change beliefs and let go of negative emotions, practice meditation and mindfulness, write gratitude journals, learn how colour can affect mood, fill laughter banks and create feel good tunes and so much more.  We invite guest speakers and arrange special events and workshops.  The Happiness Club is all about empowering people to take control of their own happiness and encouraging them to make changes in a friendly and supportive atmosphere and then to spread that happiness further.

 Scotland’s Happiness Day – 10^th November 2012 (https://www.facebook.com/ScotlandsHappinessDay101112)

We had World Happy Day in February this year and the Happiness Club arranged a showing of the movie Happy.  It started me thinking – Scotland should have its own happiness day.  Scots can be seen as bit dour - we aren’t, we just need a bit of encouragement to enjoy ourselves at times!

Together with some of our loyal Happiness Club members we have created a fabulous event in Glasgow to encourage and spread more happiness.  With inspiring speakers and a great range of workshops we are taking happiness to the next level. http://scotlandshappinessday.eventbrite.co.uk

If you can’t make it along to the Glasgow event, there are 3 key ways to boost happiness on Scotland's Happiness Day.

1.       Get together with some friends OR make some new ones.

2. Get active - take part in some activities that you enjoy.
3. Add an act of kindness to your day and see your happiness expand.

You deserve to be happy and can help others around you be happier too. I choose to believe this and think Calum would be happy with our efforts.  Get active in happiness seeing someone smile and feel happy is worth its weight in gold. 

For more suggestions on how to feel happier please check out my previous blog posts.  

Looking forward and looking back

When I started writing this blog I promised to be honest about was happening in my life and how I cope with the difficult times.  I wanted people to know that being happy and feeling positive is something that can be achieved even when life isn't great.

I know too that focusing on the positive side doesn't mean that everything in life is wonderful, this blog has been a way for me to explore how my emotions and thoughts impact on me and my family. I hope that by sharing my experiences that it gives you some hope and maybe some tips on how to feel happier.

INSPIRED BY OTHERS
December is an emotional time for me (and for a lot of other people)  Calum's birthday is the 8th December, he would have been 17 this year, (he died just a few weeks shy of his 13th birthday). This year his friends in 6th year at Bishopbriggs Academy chose the Meningitis Trust as the school charity of the year in remembrance of Calum. They decided to hold a Memorial Service to remember him and celebrate their memories of him, they wanted the people in school to know this was not just any charity their fundraising efforts were for their friend.  The video that they made to show at the service is so wonderful, it made me smile and laugh through my tears.  I loved the smiles and light in their eyes as they remembered Calum. So many young people are held up to be neds with no care or interest in others, watch this and see the positive encouraging side to these young folks.Remembering Calum by S6 Bishopbriggs Academy

The school then had a week of fundraising activities culminating in a sponsored sleepover for S6 in the school last week. Calum would have just loved being a part of it and I am so pleased that they had great fun raising money for a very supportive charity.  

Kirsten, my gorgeous daughter, is now 12 and in first year at this school. She has been involved in the fundraising activities with Calum's friends that she also grew up with.  She has loved this but it has also been an emotional journey for her too.

HAPPINESS AND TEARS


So add all this with Christmas, my mum back in hospital again for another op, some worries over work and money and it is not difficult to see how my emotions have been a bit raw.  I have felt really weepy at times, a bit frazzled and low.  Is this allowed for someone who runs Happiness Clubs and wants to inspire Scotland to be happier?


Of course it is! - Not one of us is immune to low times, me included. If I cry I release that emotion, I feel better for it, trying to hold them back just creates more pressure. So what next? I am blessed to have some very good friends and they are so kind and helpful in different ways, acknowledging how I feel with them sharing tears and then laughter really helps.  

So today I feel like I am turning the corner again, I have some inspiration back maybe not quite all my energy yet. Last night I went out with Kirsten to see the School Band perform in Glasgow and caught up with a few friends for a chat.  It was good to laugh with them.

It's times like this that I have to dig into my own Bag of Happiness to find the things that help me.  Essential oils - bergamot and peppermint, uplifting music, remembering that I have achieved so much, immersing myself in some really good memories, looking forward to spending time at Christmas with my family and Boxing day with my very best friend and her lovely family. Focussing on gratitiude creates a feeling of wealth and abundance, I have so much to be grateful for - mostly friends and family.


Life will continue to throw challenges but I know that I can cope, I know that I have learned a lot so far that has helped me and that I will continue to learn.  I also know that sometimes I will forget what I have learned!  We all need to be reminded now and then.  


Looking forward to next year


I think that so many people are living in fear and worry.  I understand it so we are bombarded by the news of how terrible our economy is, how few jobs there are, how dangerous the world is. My response is to increase the number of Happiness Clubs and get others involved to create more happiness and positive energy.  I know that life can be shit - I know that we can't just go into a wee Happiness bubble and it will all go away.
BUT I know that when I can lift my mood, feel happier and more positive then it gives me fuel to energise me.  I can look at the same problems through different eyes and see a solution I didn't before, I can start to believe that things will get better and find ways to help myself and others so that it is better.  

I have developed a new personal development program Happiness in Action that will give you the tools to create more positive thoughts and happiness for youself.  As soon as I have charged my batteries fully then you will hear more about the exciting new options for this program.


As Christmas approaches I send my love to everyone who is missing someone, to those who have worries and concerns, to those whose health could be better, to those that strive for a new job, to anyone without a home. I also send my love to those who are doing well and feeling good, may you share your good feelings with those that need it.  

So December may be emotional - highs and lows just like life really. I learn and grow in the low times then create and reap the benefits in the high times.  You can too.


Merry Christmas
Kim xxxx

Death and Happiness

Today I am saddened by the death of Gary Speed at the young age of 42. I did not know him personally but like so many others have watched and listened to the stories from those who did.  I have heard so many people say what a happy person he was so how could a happy person with all the success he had feel so low that they end their own lives?

So many of us put on a face to the world around us, when asked how we are we may say "fine" or "no bad". We may not want to admit to others that we feel so terrible that not living seems like the only option.  Talking about how we really feel to a trusted friend can be a life saver, when we say the words that rattle around inside our heads we can challenge them.  If we have no one to help us challenge the negative thoughts of hopelessness then they will grow stronger as we focus on them. 

I remember one very bleak night not long after Calum died, sitting crying as I couldn’t sleep.  I just wanted this terrible pain to end, I wanted the hurt and hopeless feelings to go away.  I thought that if my husband and daughter died with me then we would all be together again with Calum.  That would take away the hurt and pain for us all and it would be ok.  I had an outlet for my thoughts though – I wrote to Calum in a journal.  Even as I wrote the words I realised that it was not death that I wanted but a happier life back.  At that time I didn’t really know how I could have happiness but it got me through that night.

I have lots of friends and family who supported me through this terrible time, they listened to me, were kind to me in so many ways and through the pain and sorrow some light began to appear. (You can read a little more of this in David Hamilton’s book Why Kindness is Good For You). What I held on to was that I wanted to be happy, it was right to be happy and so I developed a mindset to allow happiness into my life.

My story is not a miraculous overnight recovery, it took time to grieve for the loss of Calum and heal the pain.  It’s 4 years on and I am happy, I still have times when I feel sad or low and I acknowledge them because living a happy life means living a real life with all its ups and downs.  I still write to Calum, I find that it helps me to get the thoughts out of my head and help to shift my perspective. I also write when I am happy and inspired so I share the positive thoughts too.  

If you find yourself at a real low talk to a friend, GP, Support line like Samaritans or Breathing Space or try writing. Ask yourself what is it that I really want – to end the pain and misery may be your first answer but what do you want instead? Is it to be happy? Make that your focus and it will shift your perspective on life a little. A little glimmer of light on a dark night can be all that it takes to start your journey. 

 You can read some of the practical ways that I handle the lows and create more happiness in my life in previous blogs.  I support individuals, teach Creating aHappier life courses and run Happiness Clubs, where we can all learn new skills and share in a common aim – to be happier.  Please feel free to contact me if you want to know more.