Looking forward and looking back

When I started writing this blog I promised to be honest about was happening in my life and how I cope with the difficult times.  I wanted people to know that being happy and feeling positive is something that can be achieved even when life isn't great.

I know too that focusing on the positive side doesn't mean that everything in life is wonderful, this blog has been a way for me to explore how my emotions and thoughts impact on me and my family. I hope that by sharing my experiences that it gives you some hope and maybe some tips on how to feel happier.

INSPIRED BY OTHERS
December is an emotional time for me (and for a lot of other people)  Calum's birthday is the 8th December, he would have been 17 this year, (he died just a few weeks shy of his 13th birthday). This year his friends in 6th year at Bishopbriggs Academy chose the Meningitis Trust as the school charity of the year in remembrance of Calum. They decided to hold a Memorial Service to remember him and celebrate their memories of him, they wanted the people in school to know this was not just any charity their fundraising efforts were for their friend.  The video that they made to show at the service is so wonderful, it made me smile and laugh through my tears.  I loved the smiles and light in their eyes as they remembered Calum. So many young people are held up to be neds with no care or interest in others, watch this and see the positive encouraging side to these young folks.Remembering Calum by S6 Bishopbriggs Academy

The school then had a week of fundraising activities culminating in a sponsored sleepover for S6 in the school last week. Calum would have just loved being a part of it and I am so pleased that they had great fun raising money for a very supportive charity.  

Kirsten, my gorgeous daughter, is now 12 and in first year at this school. She has been involved in the fundraising activities with Calum's friends that she also grew up with.  She has loved this but it has also been an emotional journey for her too.

HAPPINESS AND TEARS


So add all this with Christmas, my mum back in hospital again for another op, some worries over work and money and it is not difficult to see how my emotions have been a bit raw.  I have felt really weepy at times, a bit frazzled and low.  Is this allowed for someone who runs Happiness Clubs and wants to inspire Scotland to be happier?


Of course it is! - Not one of us is immune to low times, me included. If I cry I release that emotion, I feel better for it, trying to hold them back just creates more pressure. So what next? I am blessed to have some very good friends and they are so kind and helpful in different ways, acknowledging how I feel with them sharing tears and then laughter really helps.  

So today I feel like I am turning the corner again, I have some inspiration back maybe not quite all my energy yet. Last night I went out with Kirsten to see the School Band perform in Glasgow and caught up with a few friends for a chat.  It was good to laugh with them.

It's times like this that I have to dig into my own Bag of Happiness to find the things that help me.  Essential oils - bergamot and peppermint, uplifting music, remembering that I have achieved so much, immersing myself in some really good memories, looking forward to spending time at Christmas with my family and Boxing day with my very best friend and her lovely family. Focussing on gratitiude creates a feeling of wealth and abundance, I have so much to be grateful for - mostly friends and family.


Life will continue to throw challenges but I know that I can cope, I know that I have learned a lot so far that has helped me and that I will continue to learn.  I also know that sometimes I will forget what I have learned!  We all need to be reminded now and then.  


Looking forward to next year


I think that so many people are living in fear and worry.  I understand it so we are bombarded by the news of how terrible our economy is, how few jobs there are, how dangerous the world is. My response is to increase the number of Happiness Clubs and get others involved to create more happiness and positive energy.  I know that life can be shit - I know that we can't just go into a wee Happiness bubble and it will all go away.
BUT I know that when I can lift my mood, feel happier and more positive then it gives me fuel to energise me.  I can look at the same problems through different eyes and see a solution I didn't before, I can start to believe that things will get better and find ways to help myself and others so that it is better.  

I have developed a new personal development program Happiness in Action that will give you the tools to create more positive thoughts and happiness for youself.  As soon as I have charged my batteries fully then you will hear more about the exciting new options for this program.


As Christmas approaches I send my love to everyone who is missing someone, to those who have worries and concerns, to those whose health could be better, to those that strive for a new job, to anyone without a home. I also send my love to those who are doing well and feeling good, may you share your good feelings with those that need it.  

So December may be emotional - highs and lows just like life really. I learn and grow in the low times then create and reap the benefits in the high times.  You can too.


Merry Christmas
Kim xxxx

MY HAPPINESS CHALLENGE - MEMORIES AND MINDFULNESS

Well folks, it's been just over a week since my last blog. Thanks for the encouragement readers, I hope that you find this useful.
In the last week I have had ups and downs just like all of you. School holidays can create a challenge for keeping Kirsten busy, balancing work and child care. I try and take as much time off with Kirsten as I can. It is all too easy to put off doing things, life and work can take over but I know how precious those fun times together are. Kirsten had a friend to stay over, we made candles which was great fun, it didn't take long but was a real quality moment. I was looking around at the messy kitchen we were working in, did the girls notice -or care? No they were just having fun adding colour and scent to their melted wax. I had fun too, I made a candle in a lovely vintage china cup, it felt so good to look at what I had made. Simple pleasures, it reminded me of the times I made things when I was growing up and the fun times that we had with Calum when he was small guddling in water, making messy goo, baking and having fun in our untidy kitchen.
The girls also made some movies with Kirsten's video camera, laughing and capturing the memories. It struck a chord with how we record our memories inside our heads all the time. This is one of the things that I use regularly to help me feel happier.

MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS
Try accessing your mind videos -think of a time when you enjoyed a great day and had fun. Close your eyes and remember. Can you "see" the scenes and hear the sounds from that time, immerse yourself in it, make it vibrant, colourful and real, now notice how you feel. Your happy mind videos can lift your mood, your body will react as if it is happening now, so you can find yourself smiling, relaxing and even laughing as you relive the good times. I am a great one for reminiscing with my family and friends, laughing over the things we did in the past, retelling the stories over and over. It is always such a happy event when we do this, I love those times as much as I did the actual event.
Sharing your happy times with someone else helps to pass on some happiness and keep those stories going. Scots used to have a great tradition of story telling, passing on the previous generations' tales. I think it is a shame modern day reality TV seems to be more interesting to some people rather than sharing our own real lives. Sharing stories about people we have lost is a real tribute to their impact on your life and helps to keep their memory alive. I know some people who find it difficult to mention Calum, perhaps for fear of upsetting me. To not talk about our son and his part in our lives and our history is far more upsetting. Talking about the good times, the holidays, the daft things he did, the jokes we shared, the silly sayings we had helped me to find a tunnel of light out of the grief. Tears still come at times but as a wise friend tells me tears are healing too.

WHAT IF MEMORIES ARE PAINFUL?
I experienced some anxiety last week while travelling to meet my very best friend Ann. We were having a day away to ourselves, staying overnight in a hotel in a town where I used to work. I felt shaky and anxious on the train, at first I didn't realise what was going on. I was looking forward to meeting up with Ann so why did I feel bad? Thinking about it for a minute I realised that I had not been back to this place for a long time. I had left my job because of some stressful times and this journey back to that physical place had jolted my body back to that emotional state. This is what we call anchoring in NLP terms. You might have suddenly felt upset, anxious, scared or even sick when your mind makes a link to a past time. How do you handle this? I used some EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to release the negative emotion and found myself begin to relax. The jitters in my tummy and shaking eased. Then the train stopped at a station and I found myself thinking about an old work colleague who I knew lived here, before long I was immersed in the memories of that time so very long ago. He was a lively character and we had fun, I started to smile and suddenly I had reached my destination feeling upbeat and looking forward to tea and lots of laughs with Ann. We have both positive and negative anchors to people, places, things, music and more. I had used a positive anchor to clear the negative emotions without even trying, my thoughts and feelings changed quickly. Next time you find yourself in anxious state try some EFT and a positive thought.
I had a great time and we met up with some other ex colleagues for a good laugh, I am looking forward to my next visit.

MINDFULNESS (OR WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR MIND IS FULL TO BURSTING?)
I had some low points last week, feeling overwhelmed about the amount of things I still had to do, taking time out is great but when you are self employed no one else does the work. You would think that that this would mean I would be really motivated and busy when back to work, but no! I couldn't focus and that means that self doubt creeps in - could I really achieve all these plans I have, all the different workshops and business angles seemed too much. Where to start? I call this my headless chicken phase, so many things to do that I end up running round like a headless chicken and not starting anywhere. I have been here before so I know what works - take time out. What more time off! Sounds like madness, but just a few minutes to breathe, relax and calm my mind. Being mindful some call it or meditation, whatever you call it doesn't matter it works. Try out this link to give it a go http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12263892
Now my mind is calm I can write my list of things to do and prioritise it, I don't feel so overwhelmed now I can do a couple of things on the list easily. My positive thoughts begin to come back, I can do this. I even begin to feel excited about some of my ideas again. My thoughts and emotions can either work for me or against me. Recognising that allows me to do something about it. It's not about being upbeat, positive and happy all the time it is handling it and not being a victim of my own low points.

So all in it was a good week, the scales tipped more on the positive side. 7 out of 10 on my happiness scale.
If you have any questions or comments please post them. See you next week.

Take care, wishing you love, light and laughter
Kim
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