My Inspiration behind Scotlands Happiness Day

Tragically, in October 2007, just a few weeks short of his 13^th birthday,  my son Calum lost his life to meningitis.

The impact of Calum’s death shook me to my very core. The grief, depression, panic and anxiety were overwhelming.  I questioned so many of my values trying to make sense of what had happened, but I vowed that I would be happy again, that our family would survive this tragedy. I wanted Calum to be proud of us and to recognise us as the family he knew if he could see us.

It has taken time, energy, the kindness of others and a focus for happiness to go from the darkness of grief to Scotland's Happiness Day.  A journey I have now shared in my book From Heartbreak to Happiness  which is launched in paperback on Scotland's Happiness Day 2 November 2013. 

We had World Happy Day in February 2012. It started me thinking – Scotland should have its own happiness day. So Scotland’s Happiness Day was born on 11^th November 2012. 

This is our second year, it’s on Saturday 2^nd November and we have gone even bigger. With Smile Awards program to thank the happy and positive people in our lives who help us to smile. A fab conference with excellent speakers, laughter, comedy and music which is a great day out where people can learn about creating more happiness for themselves and then share their happiness with others.

I am encouraging the country to get involved beyond our conference – to take a day to focus on your own happiness and to share it with others. (www.scotlandshappinessday.com)

Find your reason to focus on happiness, small steps work.  

Shifting your focus to happiness

There are so many reasons to be miserable - the weather, worries about money, jobs, family.  What you focus on produces your thoughts and how you feel.  If you need a break from feeling low, being worried and anxious then it's time to shift your focus. 

Come and join me on Saturday this week (2nd Nov) and focus on happiness just for a day.  Be in the company of other people who want to feel happy.  Laugh, chat with others, enjoy learning something new, be entertained and energised.   See what a difference it can make to your life.

I know that it won't change your circumstances, but it will help you feel better, feel lighter and happier.  When you feel better - you cope with life differently.  You see solutions. You have energy to do things.  You can take action. 
If you want life to be happier then make one step.  Come and enjoy Scotlands Happiness Day conference with me. 

I created Scotland's Happiness Day to be a day where our energy and focus is on feeling good, sharing that with others and thanking the positive people in our lives.   What could it do for you, your family and your friends? What could this do to Scotland?
I know what a difference it has made to my life. 

If you can't join me there then do something that will boost your happiness and those around you.  For one day put your focus on happiness,  explore what makes you happy. You may get a surprise.  Kim x

How to stay happy as the weather changes ..

Can the weather affect your mood? 

Many studies and people I know say yes. SAD (seasonally affected disorder) has been recognised by the NHS in the UK, many people say that they experience lower energy, are less sociable, crave carbohydrates, sleep longer and have reduced sex drive. I wonder how many seasons we have in a year as this could describe several friends at least once a month!
But there are also some people who don't like summer and who were really grumpy when the sun shone this year.  Some folks don't like the rain and avoid it all costs.  Don't get me started on what the wind does to us, and not only after too many baked beans!
All sorts of weather can affect us but as Billy Connolly once said " In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes."  So what can you do apart from buy yourself a warm coat and some new wellies?

• I recognise that during the dark winter nights it can be more of an effort to go out and be sociable. Spending time with friends is one thing that happy people do so it is worth making the effort to stay connected.  How about planning ahead? Make plans with your friends to meet up once a week, even in each others houses then at least one of you gets to stay home.
• Join a club or class and have some fun learning new skills - the Happiness Club is a great example.
• Adding some physical activity into the mix can boost your mood - doesn't have to be the gym, try dancing or walking. Join a group and you can add extra social time too.
• Laugh more.  Make a choice to look for the funny side in life.  Watch funny programs, films and even read some silly joke books.  Anything to get you chuckling. You could try laughter yoga check out Joyworks who will be at the Happiness Day conference.
• Make time for play. Games, play doh, hobbies and get up to some mischief. It's not just for kids all the happiest people I know enjoy some mischief I reckon it keeps you young.

You can't control the weather so control what you can - make a decision now that you are going to do what you can to feel happier.

How does smiling make you happier?

When someone smiles it shows that they are happy - but did you know that smiling also causes happiness? 

 In 1989, a psychologist named Robert Zajonc published one of the most significant studies on the emotional effect of producing a smile. His subjects repeated vowel sounds that forced their faces into various expressions. To mimic some of the characteristics of a smile, they made the long "e" sound, which stretches the corners of the mouth outward. Other vowel sounds were also tested, including the long "u," which forces the mouth into a pouty expression. Subjects reported feeling good after making the long "e" sound, and feeling bad after the long "u."
In yet another experiment, one group of subjects was shown pictures of various facial expressions; another group made those facial expressions and a final group made those expressions while looking in the mirror. The evidence all points toward smiling as a cause of happy feelings. According to Dr Zajonc's  hypothesis, the facial changes involved in smiling have direct effects on certain brain activities associated with happiness.

You also catch smiles too as you have brain cells called mirror neurons that fire not only when you smile but also when you watch someone else smile too. Before the discovery of mirror neurons, scientists generally believed that our brains use logical thought processes to interpret and predict other people’s actions. Now, however, many have come to believe that we understand others not by thinking, but by feeling. For mirror neurons appear to let us “simulate” not just other people’s actions, but the intentions and emotions behind those actions. When you see someone smile, for example, your mirror neurons for smiling fire up, too, creating a sensation in your own mind of the feeling associated with smiling. You don’t have to think about what the other person intends by smiling. You experience the meaning immediately and effortlessly, giving you a boost.  This explains why we feel good being in the compnay of positive and upbeat people and also why we can feel drained and exhausted by dour and miserable folks.

I had a conversation with someone recently about the lack of smiles around.  I know that life can be tough, you can have worries and troubles and smiling may be the last thing on your mind. But just think - if you smile or spend time with someone who is happy it lifts your mood.  When you feel happier you see your problems from a different perspective, you may just see a solution or have an idea that your brain was closed to before. This is why I am a big fan of creating more smiles and happiness - it improves your life, it helps you cope and you can then pass your smile on to others.

But does this mean that you should just put a smile on your face and it will all be ok?  No I don't think so but it is a good place to start. When you choose to focus on smiling more then you let go of the negative thoughts that may be overwhelming you even for a minute. This can give your brain a wee breather - a bit of space to relax and start you on a different route.  After all if you keep doing the same things then you will get the same results.  Start with a smile - it's free. :-)







Want to add more happiness to your life join the Happiness Club - my monthly club is about increasing the positive happy times and finding ways to handle the bad stuff.

Celebrate the happy, smiley people in your life with The Smile Awards

Have you nominated someone for a Smile Award yet?  Nominate someone who lights up your life with a cheery grin, a hearty laugh or their positive attitude. Tell us about the people who help make you smile. It could be a happy postie, a helpful shop assistant or a cheery refuse collector, a neighbour or friend who brightens your day with their positive attitude or who has helped you through a difficult time. Tell us about the person who lifts your spirits and why they should win a Smile Award.
All nominees will feature on the Smilers page of Scotland's Happiness Day website and if you wish may be featured in a Johnston Press local newspaper.  A winner will be chosen for each of our 11 regions. The regional winners of the Smile Awards will be invited guests at the Happiness conference in Glasgow on 2nd November, treated to a VIP lunch and presented with a Smile Award medal.  The national Smile Award winner will be chosen on the day and presented with a trophy.

Are your kitchen cupboard's in danger?

Are you feeling frazzled? 

Tense, overwhelmed and exhausted? Is your life feeling a bit out of control? It can happen to the best of us - our stress levels can creep up and the slightest wee thing can create an avalanche of emotion. 

If your cupboard doors are in danger of coming off the hinges with all the slamming they get, if your cat runs a mile every time they see you, if you are sick of hearing yourself shouting or crying then it's time for a new approach. 

So here's a quick check - where are your shoulders?  Are they up around your ears or sitting naturally ?  When stress levels rise so do our shoulders!  It's time to take a breather, relax a bit, write the to do list, and start with what you can. Be realistic, if there is too much to do then rope in some help. Learning to control what you can and letting go of what you can't makes such a difference.  It takes practice and a new way of thinking sometimes. 

Your thoughts affect your feelings and this affects what you do.  Are you aware of your thoughts? Probably not it's those feelings or even the actions that we notice first, especially when the cupboard door slams and knocks over the glasses, they break, you scream and the cat runs for cover leaving you a bubbling wreck!  
All change has to start somewhere, keeping doing the same things means you'll get the same results.  But how do you let go of overwhelming stress?  Do you have to start meditating, eating green smoothies, chanting and going off to find yourself in a retreat?  Well these could all help but I reckon they aren't practical for the majority of us.  Small steps  can be the bridge to go from stressed out to happy.   
Look at the big stresses - can you do anything about them?  What is the smallest step you could take right now?  Maybe it's even acknowledging that you need a little help?  

My first small steps involve breathing, cups of tea, a walk, music, some laughter then a list to go through. Once I feel a bit more relaxed the things that stressed me out seem a little more manageable. 
 
Building Bridges to Happiness : Clearing Stress is a great new course that provides solutions from a range of techniques from NLP, Hypnotherapy, Relaxation, Alternative therapies and positive psychology. Learn new ways of thinking and practical ways to feel better.
Spend a relaxing Friday morning with me next week, 8th March and create your own FEEL GOOD FRIDAY.

At ONLY £35 it's much cheaper than new kitchen cupboards!

BOOK NOW http://www.meetup.com/The-Happiness-Club/events/104058332/

COPING WITH CHANGE: TOP TIPS FOR PARENTS WITH TEENS

 Did you notice the day that your sweet smiling child changed into a surly, moody teenager?  Possibly not but you have probably heard it.  The door slamming, foot stomping, tears and tantrums and that’s just from you! 

Being a parent of a teenager can be stressful.  As a mother you want the best for your child so it’s natural to worry about them.  The change to secondary school, new subjects and routines can be unsettling for some.  Exams and homework become battlegrounds.  Making new friends and finding a way to fit in can bring other changes:- hairstyles, clothes, music and new interests.  They push the boundaries looking for ways to be more grown up, staying out later, going into town, boyfriends/girlfriends and “what do you know Mum?”  “Everyone else is going!”  They have a language all their own texting, BBM. Facebook and YouTube are lifelines they can’t live without.  They know all about sex, drugs, alcohol, eating disorders and self harming.  They are super confident, street smart and world savvy.

AND YET...

Your son or daughter may be really anxious and stressed.  They may struggle to sleep and have panic attacks or feel really low and struggle to cope.  As hormones hit home and the body changes, as the other social factors play out and family dynamics change many of you will recognise that both you and your teenager have to adjust.  So how do you cope?  How do you help your child? Where is the action plan and SWOT analysis? Is there an App for this?  You are a successful businesswoman, of course you can cope!!! 

Before you reach for the wine, chocolate and hankies, recognise – YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  I know what it’s like, I have a teenage daughter and have helped lots of young people and their parents to develop life skills to cope with change and stressful times. You can bring peace and happiness to your lives.  NLP (Nero Linguistic Programming) and Positive Psychology offer great tools and techniques to take control of your thoughts and emotions, to change usual responses and make life easier.

 The move from primary years to teenage tears can be made easier with a little TLC (Thought, Laughter and Coffee).  So grab a cup and explore my top tips for happy teens and parents. 

1.       BREATHE! – Diffuse any stressful situation fast.  If you are stressed your breathing becomes shallower, this can increase feelings of anxiety, chest tightness, fatigue, insomnia and light headedness.  Slow deep breathing has been proven to calm your nervous system and interrupt the pattern of thoughts/reactions.

 Breathe deeply in through the nose; imagine you can smell something you really like. Hold that breath for a few seconds then blow out very slowly.  Imagine you have a birthday candle on a cupcake close to your mouth and blow so slowly that you don’t blow the candle out!  Three or four deep breaths will bring a sense of calm.

2.       FEEL GOOD FLIP SWITCH – Our thoughts, emotions and behaviours  are connected, when you think about something it starts a chain reaction. We are creatures of habit and develop patterns of responses over time.  Changing the thought will change the pattern.  A quick way to do this is to flip your thoughts to something that is really positive and happy.  Choose a memory of a really happy time, remember who was there, what did you do, what did you see, hear and feel? Immerse yourself in that memory for a couple of minutes.  You will feel more relaxed and happier.

3.       THREE GOOD THINGS – Another way to boost how good you feel is to focus on what has been good about your day.  It is a great way to shift your focus if you spend a few minutes discussing it over dinner and maybe even writing it in a gratitude journal.  The good things don’t have to be big – from a smile to doing well in a class, making a sale or getting good customer feedback.  When you focus on what you have and are grateful for it, this boosts positive receptors in the brain and help to rewire those neural pathways.  It’s like walking on Happy Street J.  When you record them you can read over them whenever you have a down day. If you build this into your day it can really make a big difference so that you feel less stressed by life. 

Using these tips will create a sense of calm and build a more positive environment.  Spend some time with your teen, share a coffee; find something to laugh at together.  You will find it’s easier to discuss worries and concerns when you are both feeling relaxed.  You might just see your happy smiling child is still in there.